5 Things to Consider When Choosing an AA Sponsor

Key Takeaways

• A sponsor is someone who has worked the 12 Steps and has permission to sponsor others
• Consider your potential sponsor's availability and how many other people they currently sponsor
• Strong social support in recovery may help lower the risk of relapse¹
• Observe potential sponsors at meetings and, if possible, in their daily lives before asking to be their sponsee

Who would make a good sponsor for you? How can you tell? What can you do to find out?

Finding the right sponsor can be a key part of your recovery process, so you'll want to take some time and make the best choice for your sobriety.

This page details five things to consider when choosing a sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Picking the Right Sponsor

When the time comes, the following are factors you'll want to consider when choosing your AA sponsor:

1. Gender

For men and women in early recovery, getting into a new romantic relationship often isn't recommended, at least for the first year. The reasoning behind this guideline is simple: you'll have enough going on as you adjust and work to maintain your sobriety after treatment.

Combining the emotional ups and downs of a new relationship with recovery can create triggers (people, places, or feelings that can increase cravings) and may increase relapse risk. That's why AA often suggests choosing a sponsor of your own gender, similar to how gender-specific support can create focused recovery environments. This can help keep your focus where it needs to be, which is on recovery.

2. Key Qualifications

When you're looking for an AA sponsor, it helps to write down a few questions before you speak to potential candidates. Can a potential sponsor answer "yes" to the following?

• Have you worked the 12 Steps?
• Do you have a sponsor?
• Does your sponsor support you sponsoring other people?

If they answer "no" to any of these three questions, they may not be the right sponsor for you right now.

For someone to sponsor you, they need to have worked the steps themselves. If they don't have a sponsor, or their sponsor doesn't support them sponsoring others, there may be factors that could make the relationship harder to maintain.

3. Personality

Here are two sponsor personality factors you'll want to consider:

Are they enjoying life in recovery? A good sponsor often shows moments of laughter and enjoyment. Recovery isn't always easy, but you will still notice joy. Do they smile? Laugh?

If possible, spend time with them outside of meetings. You might even visit them at home. Seeing what they're like with their family can give you a better idea of what things are really like, and whether they could be a good sponsor.

Can you relate to them? It's also okay if you can't. You may not need a sponsor you relate to in every way. You may want someone who has worked through challenges like yours and can support you as you move forward.

4. Number of Sponsees

How many sponsees does your potential sponsor already have? If they have several, that may indicate they're a good sponsor. However, too many sponsees can spread them thin and make the relationship less effective.

That doesn't mean you need a sponsor who promises to be available to you and only you 24 hours a day, focusing every ounce of their time on your sobriety. Those are promises no one can realistically keep. However, you can talk about your potential sponsor's availability and agree on clear communication ground rules.

5. Service Involvement

Is this person going out of their way for others? Are they welcoming to newcomers? Do they volunteer in any way?

Someone active in service work is often good sponsor material. Giving back and helping others can provide people in recovery with a sense of peace and purpose. Research suggests this can also support their own recovery, offering something that may have been missing during active substance use.²

If your potential sponsor truly enjoys helping others succeed in sobriety, that's a good sign.

Ultimately, there are no hard-and-fast rules to sponsorship. Every person and situation is unique. However, considering these factors can help you build a steady foundation as you choose an AA sponsor. Learning about potential red flags in sponsor relationships can also help you spot unhealthy dynamics.

Take the Next Step in Your Recovery

If you're looking for additional support beyond meetings, treatment can help you build a stronger foundation for long-term recovery. Recovery.com makes it easy to find alcohol addiction treatment programs that match your needs, whether you're looking for detox, residential care, outpatient programs, or specialized support. Explore options, compare providers, and take the next step with confidence.