What Is a Sponsor in Addiction Recovery? 

As a mentor and friend, a sponsor supports every part of your recovery progress, and plays a vital role in guiding your recovery journey. Whether by answering questions, holding you accountable, or just listening, they can help you commit to healing. Sponsors can help in any phase of recovery, especially when you’re newly sober.

Having a sponsor in addiction recovery isn’t mandatory. However, most 12-Step programs encourage you to find one. To do that, it’s important to understand the purpose of this relationship.

What Does a Sponsor Do?

A sponsor does a lot of different things, but their primary role is to offer guidance. In most 12-Step programs, a sponsor is a senior member¹ who has been sober for at least a year. With personal experience in recovery, they can help you learn how to work the 12 Steps. 

Sponsorship is one of the key differences between 12-Step vs. non-12-Step programs. Studies show sponsorship leads to better recovery outcomes.² Once you connect with your sponsor, you can come to them with any questions about addiction and the program itself. For example, say you have a few tough weeks and miss a couple of meetings. Expect a call from your sponsor to get you back on track. Your sponsor’s job is to hold you accountable, encouraging you to do the work to attain and maintain your sobriety.

Qualities of a Good Sponsor

A good sponsor is there for you but also knows when to let you figure things out for yourself. You should always feel comfortable reaching out to them for help. Here are some qualities to look for in a sponsor:³

• They can guide you in the right direction: Your sponsor can answer your questions about membership, the 12 Steps, and addiction. They’ll also encourage your program attendance and participation. A good sponsor knows you’re responsible for yourself and capable of making your own decisions. Still, they’ll give you a nudge to keep you moving forward if you ever need it.
• They set boundaries: It’s always okay to ask your sponsor for support. But a good sponsor lets you know when contacting them is appropriate. You can agree on times and ways to connect that work for both of you. 
• They listen and offer support: Your sponsor is there to advise and support you—but they’re not your therapist. A good sponsor knows when a professional should step in. They may even connect you with outside resources.
• They’re patient: Addiction recovery takes time. A good sponsor understands that you’ll face challenges as you adjust to sobriety. They’ll keep supporting you even when you’re having a hard time.
• They understand you: With an understanding sponsor, it’s easier to ask for help. You might seek someone with a similar background to yours. Maybe you’re a mom of 4. A sponsor who has been through motherhood and addiction might understand you on a deeper level. But everyone’s needs are different. Sometimes it’s better to find a sponsor with a different history of addiction. You never know what you can learn from a new perspective. Considering your unique recovery goals can help you find the right fit.

What Does a Sponsor Not Do?

There are some things your sponsor shouldn’t do.⁴ Even if you like them as a person, you should be wary if your sponsor shows any red flags: 

• They impose their personal views on you: Your sponsor shouldn’t judge your recovery process. They might have similar experiences, but only you know what’s best for you. A sponsor should never urge you to make a decision based solely on their own beliefs. 
• You’re already close with them: It’s not a good idea to have a loved one as your sponsor. You should be able to trust your sponsor and open up to them. Sometimes, personal relationships can lead to bias.
• They exploit you: Your sponsor should never try to take advantage of you. Anyone in early recovery is in a vulnerable space. Your sponsor should understand that and do everything they can to empower you.
• They’re not engaged in the program: If your sponsor regularly misses meetings, or you question their sobriety, they likely aren’t the best person to help you.
• They believe they have every answer: A good sponsor isn’t afraid to say, “I don’t know.” If you feel like your sponsor always thinks they’re right or never considers another way, they might not be a good choice.

If you notice red flags like these, reach out to trusted members of your support network, both in and outside of AA. You can also talk to your therapist. And remember: you always have the right to change sponsors. AA’s literature on sponsorship⁵ specifies: 

We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.