What They Say vs. What the Big Book Really Says

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other 12-Step programs can be invaluable resources for people recovering from alcohol misuse or alcohol use disorder (AUD).

Yet these programs can also feel confusing to someone new, often because members share guidance that doesn’t always line up. This article aims to highlight some of those issues and, hopefully—with a bit of humor—clear up the confusion.

Because newcomers receive so much advice “in the rooms,” both solicited and unsolicited, one of the most important skills they can learn is to ask, “Thank you for sharing that—what page is it on?”

This simple question helps them figure out whether a suggestion comes from the Big Book or from someone’s personal experience. Both can be helpful, and personal experience can offer valuable insight. Still, it’s useful for newcomers to know whether guidance aligns with the Big Book, especially when someone’s opinion conflicts with what the book actually says.

Here are some examples:

1. Treatment Centers

What they say:

“Treatment centers are a rip-off—you don’t need one; they just hand you a $30,000 Big Book.”

What the Big Book says:

In other words, the Big Book supports medical stabilization when needed. Treatment centers can provide the physical and clinical support necessary before the spiritual program can take root.

2. Talking About Drugs

What they say:

“This is AA—you can’t talk about drugs here.”

What the Big Book says:

In other words, the Big Book openly discusses drug use. AA focuses on recovery from alcohol, but many members share histories involving multiple substances; this fits within the book’s original narratives.

3. "The Road Gets Narrow"

What they say:

“The road gets narrow.”

What the Big Book says:

In other words, as people grow in recovery, there’s less room for old, harmful patterns, like dishonesty, self-sabotage, and behaviors that hurt others. Still, the Big Book describes recovery as an expansive, not restrictive, path.

4. This is a Selfish Program

What they say:

“This is a selfish program.”

What the Big Book says:

In other words, it’s not about selfishness; it’s about responsible self-care. Much like an airplane safety reminder—put on your own oxygen mask before helping others—taking care of your sobriety first allows you to show up for others in a meaningful way. Prioritizing recovery sets an example rather than reflecting selfishness.

5. Dating in the First Year

What they say:

"You can’t date in your first year.”

What the Big Book says:

In other words, people usually offer the “no dating for a year” guideline with good intentions, even if it isn’t in the Big Book. After reviewing what the book actually says, a sponsor might add: “In my experience, early dating can pull people away from meetings and step work, and sometimes the other person becomes more important than recovery itself.”

They might also note—playfully but truthfully—that the people you find appealing in early sobriety may not be the same people you find appealing once you’ve done deeper work, and vice versa. Sharing both the Big Book guidance and personal experience gives newcomers clearer information to make thoughtful decisions.

6. Taking Pain Medication or Psych Meds

What they say:

“You’re not sober if you’re taking pain meds or psychiatric medication.”

What the Big Book says:

As a health care clinician, I get concerned when people without medical training tell newcomers which prescribed medications they should or shouldn’t take. My favorite Chinese restaurant has a sign that reads, “Our bank doesn't serve egg rolls, and we don’t cash checks.” Sometimes I think AA meeting rooms could use a similar sign: “Your doctor won’t tell you how to work the 12 Steps, and we won’t tell you what medications to take.” It’s a simple reminder that medical decisions belong to medical professionals.

Ending On a Sweet Spot

Some may agree and some may not, but I genuinely believe seven of the most important words in the Big Book appear at the bottom of page 133 and the top of page 134, where it says:

“… all alcoholics should constantly have chocolate available.”

To me, this is undeniable proof that the Big Book is divinely inspired. And for anyone thinking, “The Big Book doesn’t say that!” go check right now. Bottom of 133, top of 134. You’re welcome.

I hope this humorous look at the difference between what “they say” and what the Big Book actually says has been both enjoyable and useful. Understanding the distinction helps newcomers make informed decisions, stay grounded in the program’s principles, and appreciate the wisdom of both the text and the fellowship.

If you’re navigating early recovery or supporting someone who is, Recovery.com can help you explore your options. You can compare treatment centers, learn about different levels of care, and find evidence-based support tailored to your needs. If you’re struggling with alcohol or unsure where to start, reaching out for help is a strong and courageous step, and you don’t have to take it alone.