Learning True Strength in Men-Only Rehab 

Why is it Harder for Men to Ask for Help?

Mental illness is often overlooked in men,⁵ and is therefore more likely to go untreated. SAMHSA’s guide on Addressing the Specific Behavioral Health Needs of Men states that there are “specific issues facing men that can affect all elements of the treatment process,⁶ including the decision to seek treatment in the first place.”

Social conditioning can influence how likely men are to talk about their feelings or reach out when they’re struggling. And there’s far more to this picture than what appears on the outside: 

Trauma and Shame 

Intense shame is a common theme for men in recovery,⁷ in addition to “histories of violence, sexuality, family issues, and difficulty accessing emotions.” Some men feel this as a result of trauma they’ve experienced, or inflicted on others. And some feel shame around violating masculine norms. 

Shame is a powerful emotion.⁸ It affects the way you see yourself, how you interpret the world around you, and the choices you make. That includes your willingness to address the traumas underlying your addiction, anxiety, or depression. 

But working through shame is a necessary part of healing. Psychologist and former president of the American Psychological Association Ronald Levant explains: “We have to brave the shame. We were made to feel ashamed of ourselves for not being fully masculine,⁹ and that was nonsense…Those lessons you learn as a child are not valid. A better approach is to have an open heart, an open mind, and to freely express your emotions to the people you care about.” 

That includes yourself. 

Stigma

Mental health stigma exists across all genders, but especially so for men, who are under extra pressure to seem like they have it all together.

In a report from the 2019 Behavioral Health Aspects of Depression and Anxiety in the American Male, experts agreed that “stigma is an extreme barrier to those needing mental health treatment,”¹⁰ and that men’s acculturation affects the way they experience mental health issues.

When men do get into treatment, that acculturation also affects how receptive they are to the process.

Adjusting to the Treatment Process

Many of these unspoken rules are the opposite of what recovery asks us to do. The healing process requires us to be vulnerable, make room for our emotions, and be unflinchingly honest with ourselves. Residential rehab, where feelings are shared with therapists and in groups, may feel inherently unsafe to someone with little practice doing any of these things. 

“Men are expected to be independent, self-sufficient, stoic, and invulnerable,” says SAMHSA. This means that, often, men struggle with certain issues during treatment:¹¹ 

• inability to see or express weaknesses
• difficulty opening up to therapists or peers
• competitiveness with other patients 
• defensiveness 
• unwillingness to take direction or accept suggestions 
• anxiety around privacy and confidentiality 
• lack of ability to connect feelings to the problems they stem from 
• a false sense of security in their recovery status 
• resistance to attending continuing care or ongoing meetings 

Intensive treatment is only the beginning of the recovery journey. After treatment, men return to their home communities, where they face the same societal pressures as before. That’s why it’s important to prepare for life after rehab by gaining tools that reduce your chance of reverting to old coping habits. 

Common Male Coping Strategies 

Suppressing Emotions

Men are often taught that expressing emotions is wrong. But regularly holding them in doesn’t make them go away—it just makes them come out sideways.

“Suppressing emotion in and of itself isn’t necessarily harmful,” says Powell. “It’s when you do it habitually; if it’s your go-to response to all the stress that you experience. Eventually, that suppression will cause a rebound in some other areas, like whack-a-mole. You hit it down in one place and it pops up in another.”

Humans are blessed with an astounding range of emotions—and ideally, we should be fluent in all of them. But this is easier said than done. Many men are limited to just a handful of emotions that are considered acceptable to express. 

Anger 

When we’re stressed, we tend to respond with the emotion that’s most readily available to us. And for men, who may not be well-versed in expressing sadness or fear, that emotion is more likely to be anger. 

Sometimes, we channel anger and other “negative” feelings into behaviors—some of which are harmful to us. Especially if we feel the need to “suck it up” and get through hardships on our own, those behaviors are less likely to look like talking through our problems with a friend or therapist, and more likely to look like social withdrawal, overworking, aggression, or alcohol and drugs. 

Substances 

Substances are a common way to cope with problems we’d rather not face head-on. And for men, anger and the inability to untangle difficult emotions can lead to more substance use. 

Data shows that “men tend to use more alcohol as opposed to women when they are stressed.”¹² According to Powell, “we can see higher rates of substance abuse in males because of that anger and emotional response.”

Mental Health Among Minority Men 

Mistrust of treatment professionals comes from a particularly deep-rooted place for men and boys of color. There’s not only a verified link between racism and poor mental health,¹³ but an established history of racial trauma and access inequities in the American healthcare system.¹⁴  

The good news is that this can be changed. “Even with those experiences in the background,” says Powell, “when Black men have more patient-centered, empathic experiences with physicians, they report lower medical mistrust. So in other words, mistrust is not immutable. It can be fixed. It can be intervened upon.” 

Fortunately, some treatment programs are evolving to be more responsive to the societal issues their patients are grappling with. 

How Treatment Can Help  

Looking at deeply held traumas and unprocessed emotions is a necessary step toward healing. “When they feel safe enough, [men] are willing to look at many important, although difficult, issues commonly overlooked in traditional treatment. Some of these are relationships, sexuality and sexual behavior, power and control, criminal behaviors, privilege and entitlement, and grief,” say the authors of Helping Men Recover: A Program for Treating Addiction. 

Rehab can be a safe place to do just that. 

Gender-Responsive Care Takes Men’s Issues Into Account

“The keys to developing effective treatment for men,” says Griffin, “are acknowledging their life experiences and the impact of living as a man in a male-based society.”

In men-only rehab, patients can ease into the treatment process alongside others facing similar issues, with less distraction and a chance to build lasting bonds. 

Soberman’s Estate in Cave Creek, Arizona caters exclusively to adult men. They find that this gender-specific grouping raises the comfort level, leading to more sharing and honesty in group sessions. This creates an environment conducive to recovery, comradery, and true release. And because they make special efforts to accommodate working professionals, business access time is built into the daily schedule. 

For those who prefer to live at home during treatment, Next Step Recovery in Asheville, North Carolina offers a men’s-only intensive outpatient program (IOP) with optional sober living options for men ages 18-40. In addition to a focus on building a healthy daily routine, the center offers a range of therapeutic outdoor activities including river rafting, paintball, and high ropes.

Face the Fears That Keep You From Your Best Life

Being a man doesn’t need to mean foregoing care that will make you well, and ultimately more capable of living to your full potential. 

See our directory of men-only rehab centers to learn more about their programming, facilities, activities, and more.