How Traumatic Invalidation Leads to Personality Disorders

Invalidation takes many forms, from obvious “I don’t believe you”s to more subtle reactions, like not listening or telling you how your experience should feel. When someone doesn’t accept or believe your experiences and emotions, it invalidates them and can lead to numerous psychological effects, including personality disorders.

Invalidation that extends over a long period of time with intensity is considered traumatic, as it alters your perception of self and others. Traumatic invalidation often occurs in childhood from caregivers, and its effects can last well into adulthood.

But you can learn how to validate your experiences and heal from the results of traumatic invalidation, one day at a time.

Understanding Traumatic Invalidation

Traumatic invalidation stems from intentional or unintentional emotional abuse, most often in childhood¹. It happens when a parent or other caregiver repeatedly invalidates their child’s experiences or emotions. This can happen from childhood into adulthood, depending on if the parent or caregiver recognizes and wants to change their behavior. A few examples of traumatic invalidation include:

• A parent acting disgusted or disappointed when their child cries or shows emotion. The parent makes it known their response isn’t valid or acceptable.
• Minimizing someone’s negative experiences by saying, “It could be worse,” “At least it’s not…” or challenging it with something they went through that they believe is worse.
• Berating and name-calling, like “You’re being such a baby about this.”
• Villianizing emotions and sadness by saying “You’re always crying” or “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
• Facial expressions, purposeful ignoring, and body language can be more subtle forms of invalidation, but equally hurtful.

Why Do People Do It?

Many people don’t intend to invalidate someone’s feelings and experiences. For parents especially, they may do it by accident since they don’t know how else to communicate or have their emotional availability lowered due to a mental health condition or stressor. But its effects remain regardless of intent.

Some parents, friends, or romantic partners may use traumatic invalidation as a means of control and harm. For instance, they might be the abuser themselves, dismissing or denying the victim’s experiences to prevent them from seeking help or breaking free from their influence. This form of invalidation not only erodes self-esteem but also creates doubt about your reality, making it harder to recognize the abuse and reach out for support.

Traumatic invalidation can also stem from racism and prejudice towards minorities², like LGBTQ+ people, women, and people of color. These groups are less likely to have their experiences and perceptions believed. This can lead to microaggressions and ongoing stress for minorities.

Connection to Personality Disorders

Traumatic invalidation has been connected most strongly to borderline personality disorder (BPD)³. This means children who experience traumatic invalidation were found more likely to develop BPD, plus other cluster B personality disorders. Here’s a quick overview of those and BPD:

• BPD’s symptoms⁴ include an intense fear of abandonment and efforts to prevent it, uncontrollable emotions, unstable relationships, and suicidality. Someone with BPD fluctuates from extreme emotions and seeing people as all good or all bad, which can start and end relationships quickly.
• Narcissistic personality disorder’s (NPD) symptoms⁵ include entitlement, lack of empathy, grandiosity, and a need for excessive and constant admiration. Someone with NPD struggles to function if they’re not the center of attention, as their sense of self-worth depends on it.
• Antisocial personality disorder’s (APD) symptoms⁶ include lying to, manipulating, or harming others for personal gain or pleasure without remorse. Someone with APD is generally prone to violence and criminal behavior. 

Other personality disorders fall into clusters B, C, and A⁷. Cluster C includes anxious personalities and cluster A includes eccentric, like schizotypal. Traumatic invalidation generally correlates to cluster B.

Traumatic Invalidation as the Starting Point

Not every case of BPD or other personality disorder starts with traumatic invalidation, but it often does. BPD in particular, while it doesn’t have a primary cause, often stems from emotional instability in childhood. This could include traumatic invalidation, emotional abuse, and other traumas, like physical or sexual abuse.

Traumatic invalidation can lead to low self-worth, an unstable sense of self, and difficulties with forming and maintaining relationships. These effects can form the blocks of a personality disorder like BPD.

Traumatic invalidation often happens in childhood. Similarly, personality disorders typically develop in adolescence, showing more prominently after age 18. Signs of traumatic invalidation may first show through symptoms of a personality disorder in later teen years.