Four Steps to Break the Shackles of Codependency

Addiction is dependent, and the relationships shaped by addiction often become dependent, too.

People living with addiction may rely on unhealthy relationship patterns that support continued substance use, turning otherwise healthy relationships into dysfunctional, codependent ones.

Codependency Defined

Codependency is a behavioral and emotional pattern that can prevent a mutually satisfying relationship. In families affected by addiction, this dynamic can make it easier for substance use to continue. For friends, partners, and family members, codependency can become the emotional “pillar” that holds the situation up while the relationship itself slowly erodes.

To genuinely help someone in active addiction, loved ones often need to honestly evaluate both the relationship and themselves. With that goal in mind, here are four key steps to navigate the road to ending codependency.

Step #1: Become Aware

Denial often plays a role in both addiction and codependency. Many people in codependent patterns deny their own feelings, needs, and expectations to accommodate the unpredictable demands that addiction can create.

Over time, meeting those demands can bring a temporary sense of purpose or emotional relief, filling the void left by a lack of intimacy and healthy connection. The first step towards breaking the shackles of codependency is acknowledging that the shackles of emotional transference exist.

Step #2: Accept Your Value

Codependency often involves low self-esteem, helplessness, and feelings of inadequacy. These painful emotions can lead to self-deprecating or enabling behaviors.

Although the codependent relationship may have caused or exacerbated these feelings, loved ones may not feel they deserve change over time. They must first believe in their own self-worth to combat the insidious and chaotic nature of a codependent relationship.

Step #3: Redefine Relationship Roles

Caretaking is typically the predominant role for those sharing a codependent relationship with an addict. Many times, the role of caretaking offers loved ones a feeling of control and relevance. In a codependent, addiction-centric relationship, offering emotional and financial support enables the addiction to grow stronger, while the relationship becomes less healthy. In recovery, it’s important to become a genuine friend or a concerned parent—not a caretaker.

Step #4: Take Action

The final step to break the cycle of codependence is turning insight into action. Whether it’s setting physical boundaries, severing responsibility for someone, joining a support group, receiving therapy, or helping someone get into treatment, only meaningful action can create meaningful change, for both yourself and your loved one.

If addiction and codependency have strained your relationship, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Recovery.com can help you find and compare treatment centers, so you can explore care options with ease and take the next step toward healing.