Forgiving Yourself After a Suicide Attempt: How to Heal from Guilt and Shame

This article summarizes a conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In the episode, Terry and co-host Bridget talk with John, a man from Ontario, Canada, who openly shares his journey through depression, a suicide attempt, and the ongoing challenge of forgiving himself.

John’s honesty offers an important perspective rarely discussed: what it means to survive a suicide attempt and still struggle with guilt and self-compassion, even when loved ones have already offered forgiveness. His words remind us that recovery is not a neat or linear process, but a deeply human one.

Below are nine insights from John’s story that highlight the complexity of healing, the persistence of shame, and the slow, meaningful work of learning self-forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness from Others Does Not Guarantee Forgiveness from Ourselves

John emphasized that his loved ones, especially his son, forgave him immediately after his attempt. Yet he continues to carry guilt within himself.

John explained:

This disconnect—between the love and acceptance offered by others and the harshness we continue to impose on ourselves—is a central theme of his story. Many survivors discover that external validation doesn’t automatically translate into internal healing. The voice of self-criticism can drown out even the kindest gestures from those who love us most.

2. Guilt and Shame Shift but Rarely Disappear Overnight

Before his attempt, John carried guilt about being “not a good dad.” He believed his son might be better off without him. After his attempt, that guilt transformed into something different: shame that he hadn’t let his son’s love give him hope.

As John described:

This demonstrates how guilt and shame can evolve rather than evaporate. Survivors often find that even as they heal from one aspect of depression, new layers of self-blame emerge. The work of recovery, then, is not only about staying alive but about continually reshaping how we relate to our own past.

3. The Power of Immediate, Unconditional Forgiveness from Loved Ones

When John told his son about the attempt, his son’s response was instant and full of compassion.

John recalled:

That hug carried immeasurable weight. For John, it was one of the most powerful and humbling moments of his life. Forgiveness that comes so quickly can feel both healing and confusing. Survivors may question why they cannot extend to themselves the same grace that others so freely give.

It is a reminder to family members and friends: sometimes, the simplest act of compassion—saying “I forgive you” or offering an embrace—can be a turning point in someone’s recovery.

4. Self-Forgiveness Is Blocked by Feelings of Unworthiness

When Terry asked why he could not extend the same forgiveness to himself, John was clear:

John admitted:

This sense of unworthiness is common among people living with depression. It’s not just that forgiveness feels difficult—it feels undeserved. Until worthiness is rebuilt, self-forgiveness often remains out of reach. This is why mental health professionals emphasize self-compassion practices. They create the foundation needed for forgiveness to eventually take root.

5. Recovery Tools Help, but Sometimes Feel Incomplete

John actively works on his recovery with therapy, meditation, audiobooks, and research. But he still longs for something that feels transformative.

As John shared:

This longing for a breakthrough is familiar to many who live with depression. Coping tools are essential, but survivors often wish for a single, decisive shift that makes healing feel less like a grind. While the “magic tool” may not exist, the ongoing search keeps survivors engaged in trying new strategies—an act of resilience in itself.

6. Progress Can Be Measured by Perspective on Suicidal Thoughts

John acknowledged that while suicidal thoughts occasionally return, they no longer hold the same dangerous power.

John explained:

This metaphor offers hope. Even if suicidal thoughts persist, their intensity and control can diminish over time. For many, progress looks less like complete elimination and more like a shift in how manageable those thoughts feel.

7. Healing Takes Time—Sometimes Years

After decades of negative self-talk, John has come to accept that forgiveness will not come quickly.

As John reflected:

This perspective is freeing in its realism. It acknowledges that there is no timeline for recovery. Each small act of compassion toward oneself is a building block. Self-forgiveness is not a switch but a gradual construction.

8. Conversations Provide Healing in Themselves

Even when forgiveness feels far away, John finds value in conversations like the one he shared with Terry and Bridget.

John said:

For John, dialogue interrupts the cycle of self-criticism. By hearing another person’s compassionate response, he can challenge the harshness of his own inner voice. This is a lesson for all of us: conversations about depression are not just therapeutic for listeners; they can be transformative for the speaker as well.

9. Reframing Forgiveness as “Not Yet” Instead of “Never”

Terry suggested that instead of saying “I can’t forgive myself,” John might try reframing it as “I haven’t forgiven myself yet.”

John responded:

This subtle but powerful reframe softens the finality of self-criticism. It allows survivors to hold onto the possibility of growth without demanding immediate change. Even if it doesn’t instantly feel healing, it plants a seed for future self-compassion.

Key Takeaways

John’s story offers lessons not only for suicide attempt survivors but for anyone navigating depression, guilt, or shame. Some of the most important takeaways include:

• Forgiveness is complex. External forgiveness doesn’t automatically lead to internal healing.
• Shame evolves. It may change form over time, but it rarely disappears without intentional work.
• Love matters. Acts of compassion from family or friends, like John’s son’s hug, can carry profound weight.
• Self-worth is the foundation. Until survivors feel deserving, forgiveness remains elusive.
• Progress is not perfection. Even if suicidal thoughts linger, their reduced power is evidence of growth.
• Conversations heal. Sharing openly provides perspective and interrupts negative self-talk.
• Patience is essential. After years of self-loathing, it takes time to build a new sense of self.
• Language shapes recovery. Reframing “never” as “not yet” creates hope.

Final Thoughts

Self-forgiveness after a suicide attempt is one of the most difficult aspects of recovery. John’s story reminds us that healing is not about quick fixes or magical solutions. It is about showing up for ourselves daily, trying new tools, allowing time to work, and remaining open to connection.

Even when forgiveness feels impossible, the fact that John continues to seek healing is itself an act of resilience. His willingness to share openly does more than help listeners—it helps him, too, by reframing his story in a context of growth instead of shame.

For anyone walking a similar path, John’s honesty offers both companionship and hope. Self-forgiveness may not arrive today, but with patience and compassion, it remains a possibility. And sometimes, holding on to the possibility is enough to keep moving forward.