Softening to the Darkness: Eric’s Story of Radical Acceptance and Healing from Depression

3. Shame Is a Hidden Layer of Depression

Eric also speaks to the shame that comes with being unable to “handle life”:

As Eric put it:

The shame of feeling like I can’t do these things, but I know that I can. I know that I can if I just tried hard enough or if I wasn’t lazy.

From the outside, it may appear that someone is simply being unmotivated. But for those experiencing it, depression includes self-blame, guilt, and feeling broken.

Ways to reduce internalized shame:

• Normalize the experience by hearing stories like Eric’s
• Challenge thoughts that label you as lazy or weak
• Seek compassionate therapy modalities

4. Moving Beyond the “Headwork”

Eric had long tried to understand his depression through intellectual analysis. But talk therapy alone left him stuck:

Eric explained:

If I could only understand, then maybe I could solve, maybe I could cure… But the more I understood about my depression, the more I kept running into this wall.

He began to recognize that managing depression wasn’t about outthinking it, but about engaging his emotions and body in a deeper way.

What Eric tried before the shift:

• SSRIs
• Talk therapy
• Meditation
• Yoga
• Numbing with food or substances

What finally helped: A shift to what he called “heartwork.”

5. Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) Opened a New Path

The turning point for Eric came with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, which personifies our inner parts. For Eric, the boulder had a name: Atlas.

Eric shared:

He was holding up the boulder to protect the parts that were trapped underneath it… my innocence and my inner child.

This revelation allowed him to see depression not as an enemy, but as a protector—a part doing its best to shield him from pain.

IFS helped him:

• See his depression as a “part” rather than a flaw
• Communicate with these parts in therapeutic dialogue
• Reframe depression as a misguided form of protection

6. Softening and Acceptance as Healing Tools

Instead of resisting or rejecting his depression, Eric learned to soften into it:

As Eric described:

The rigidity, the resistance to my depression only deepened it… The greatest movement that I’ve been able to succeed with in managing my depression has been grace, softening.

This acceptance didn’t mean giving up. It meant embracing all parts of himself and loosening the hold that control and resistance had on him.

Softening looked like:

• Allowing himself to grieve
• Speaking kindly to Atlas
• Defending his inner child
• Relinquishing perfectionism

7. Faith and Curiosity Can Replace Hope

Eric admits that during the darkest moments, hope felt out of reach. Instead, he discovered something quieter and more sustainable: faith.

Eric said:

There was a time where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be here at all… But now I have a confidence and a faith in myself in knowing that I want to find out what happens next.

As Terry reflected, when hope isn’t accessible, curiosity can be a gentler stepping stone.

Try asking yourself:

• What would it be like to see tomorrow?
• Can I be curious about the next chapter of my story?
• Is there a part of me that still wants to know what happens next?

8. Growth Comes From Rootedness, Not Control

Eric beautifully described a metaphor of a sprouting potato to explain his newfound sense of rootedness:

Eric reflected:

In our dark night of the soul, we are so just yearning for soil, for nourishment, and we will reach everywhere to find it. And once we do, we can start the process of growing.

After years of clawing through the mud, Eric now lets the path rise to meet him.

This groundedness includes:

• Letting go of control
• Allowing emotions to be felt, not fixed
• Releasing expectations of what healing should look like

9. There Is No Shame in Doing the Work Again

Eric’s story reminds us that healing is not a straight line. There will be cycles, triggers, and setbacks:

As Terry explained:

It is brave work and it is difficult work and it is work that we’re likely going to have to do again… But each step forward is a step forward.

The goal isn’t to arrive at a final “cured” state. It’s to gain more tools, more grace, and more confidence each time we come around again.

Final Thoughts: Softening as a Lifelong Practice

Eric’s story offers a deeply important reminder that healing doesn’t mean achieving some perfect version of ourselves. It means meeting ourselves where we are—with compassion, curiosity, and acceptance. His experience shows us that even the darkest times hold information and that the things we often resist most are sometimes the ones trying to help us the most.

By honoring the parts of himself he once rejected, Eric created a more unified and loving internal system. His shift from trying to outthink depression to feeling and listening to it helped him cultivate a sense of peace and rootedness that continues to guide his path forward.

Softening into the darkness does not mean giving in to it—it means refusing to turn away from ourselves, even when what we see is painful. Eric’s ability to sit with the boulder rather than fight it allowed him to understand what it was protecting, and in doing so, he recovered a part of himself he hadn’t accessed in years.

His story reminds us that we don’t need to fix every flaw or eliminate every difficult emotion. Instead, we can build a new relationship with our suffering—one rooted in tenderness, bravery, and self-respect. The journey may be thorny, but as Eric shows, there is strength in vulnerability and growth in groundedness. We may never be entirely free from depression, but we can become freer in how we carry it.

Ultimately, healing is not a single event, but a daily commitment to show up, soften, and listen. Some days we will still feel heavy. But as Eric reminds us, if we can approach ourselves with grace, we can put the boulder down—at least for a while.

Key Takeaways

• Healing is a lifelong process. It unfolds in layers, with forward steps, setbacks, and returns. Recovery is not a finish line but a path.
• Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can transform self-understanding. By seeing your depression as a part—not your whole—you create space for healing, dialogue, and compassion.
• Naming and visualizing your depression can help. Eric’s metaphor of a boulder and protector named Atlas allowed him to relate to his pain rather than fear or reject it.
• Self-compassion can be more effective than self-improvement. Trying to “fix” yourself can deepen shame. Offering grace and patience invites healing.
• Shame often accompanies depression. Reducing shame starts with acknowledgment, openness, and rejecting toxic narratives about laziness or weakness.
• Faith and curiosity can replace unreachable hope. When you can’t believe things will get better, wonder what might happen next instead.
• Letting go of control fosters growth. Just as a sprouting potato seeks soil in all directions, our healing requires rootedness, not perfection.
• Softening doesn’t mean giving up. It means meeting your pain without resistance. Acceptance is not passivity—it’s courage.
• We may have to do the work again—and that’s okay. Healing isn’t linear. But each return to the work comes with greater awareness and strength.

If you or someone you love is navigating depression, Eric’s story offers a compassionate lens and gentle encouragement: you don’t have to force your way forward. You can soften into the darkness—and still grow.