Reaching Out with Depression: 5 Practical Ways to Ask for Support

3. “I don’t feel safe by myself right now. Can you stay on the phone or come over until I calm down?”

Safety can be a difficult topic to bring up. Many people worry about sounding “dramatic” or becoming a burden. But the truth is, there’s no shame in asking for help when your safety is at risk.

As Sam Dylan Finch carefully explained:

I think most people find it really difficult to say, you know, I don’t feel safe right now. But it’s also a really important moment to reach out and just figuring out how to assemble those words together.

The reason I kind of framed it the way that I did was because I wanted people to understand the urgency — so loved ones should know that you don’t feel safe — but also giving a direct ask: “Can you stay on the phone with me?” or “Can you come over until I calm down?” helps people understand like this is what I need right now.

Rather than just saying like, I don’t feel safe, fix it, because not everyone is really equipped to deal with a crisis. I think that’s a direct enough ask that people feel more empowered to be able to help because they’re not just being thrown into a situation where they don’t know what to do.

4. “I’m in a bad place, but I’m not ready to talk about it. Can you help me distract myself?”

Many people believe they need to be “ready to talk” in order to ask for support. But sometimes, the need isn’t to talk — it’s to be with someone. Sam wants people to know that you can ask for company or distraction without opening up fully.

As Sam Dylan Finch stated clearly:

You do not have to be ready to talk about your trauma or your suicidality to be able to reach out to someone and get some support. It’s okay to say, “I’m not ready, but I would like some kind of distraction or some kind support or some connection that helps me, at least in this moment, deal with what I’m dealing with.”

He also reframed self-care in a more realistic way for those experiencing depression:

Obviously, if you’re depressed, you might think, “Oh, I shouldn’t even bother with self-care. Nothing’s going to make me happy.” But when you realize that nourishing yourself — or whatever synonym there works for you — whether it’s moving towards wellness or doing something that is caring, a caring gesture towards yourself: that’s like a much more pragmatic goal to have in mind.

I think a lot of the language around self-care doesn’t necessarily serve people who have pervasive mental health problems… you can’t always just like perk yourself up by doing some yoga. So it’s nice to have a different framework, as much as I love yoga.

5. “Can you check in with me every day this week just to make sure I’m okay?”

The power of the check-in cannot be overstated. Regular, simple connection can be a lifeline during mental health struggles. And it’s often much easier to ask for ongoing small support than to raise a flag once you’re already in crisis.

As Sam Dylan Finch suggested:

One thing that intimidates people when they’re thinking about reaching out for help is that they don’t want to ask too much of people. So it can be anything from “Send me a selfie every day just to check in; it’d be nice to see your face,” or “Let’s text each other every morning or every evening to see what our plans are or how we’re gonna take care of ourselves.”

It doesn’t even have to be a big dramatic thing.

He went on to explain how even the simplest reply matters:

Even if it’s as simple as just saying like, “I’m sad — that’s how my day is going,” because even that gives you some element of being seen.

And I think that’s a big part of what makes a mental health crisis so toxic is day in and day out of not being seen and not being recognized when you’re struggling really can be its own kind of source of trauma because you start to feel invisible.

Finally, Sam likened check-ins to a kind of emotional safety net:

In the article I describe it as like buckling your seatbelt when you get into a car. It’s like one extra line of defense if things do start to get really difficult.

People won’t hear about it at the last possible minute; they’ll have a sense of what’s coming because you’ve been checking in with them, hopefully, and staying connected. And sustaining a connection is such a big part of staying mentally well, or at least survival.

Final Thoughts: Asking Is a Learned Skill — Not a Flaw

At the close of the episode, co-host Bridget expressed her appreciation for the life-saving value of what Sam shared:

I found myself exhaling as I heard these, you know, it was like he was giving me permission to not know. He was giving permission and a life skill and a life-saving skill of learning how to ask for help.

Terry added this powerful observation:

It’s a strange thing to think that we might need permission to ask for what we need, but we’re certainly not. At least, you know, we weren’t taught to ask.

These reminders anchor the episode’s central message: Asking for help is not a weakness — it’s a vital act of self-preservation. And it’s one we can all practice, learn, and get better at over time.