Reaching Out with Depression: 5 Practical Ways to Ask for Support

This article summarizes a deeply personal and practical conversation from Giving Voice to Depression, a podcast hosted by Terry McGuire, with the author of an article titled “10 Ways to Reach Out When You’re Struggling With Your Mental Health, In each episode, Terry talks to people with lived experience of depression or professionals working in mental health, helping listeners better understand the realities of depression, reduce stigma, and build hope.

In Episode 366, titled “Asking for Help Is Not Always Intuitive”, mental health writer and advocate shares five actionable ways to reach out for support when you’re struggling with your mental health. Sam speaks from lived experience as both a suicide attempt survivor and suicide loss survivor. His insights are born from the grief of losing a close friend and from navigating his own darkest moments.

This episode reminds us that asking for help doesn’t always come naturally. Many of us were never taught how to do it — or that we even have the right to. Sam’s practical language helps demystify what it looks like to reach out for support, even when you don’t know exactly what you need.

Here are five real, compassionate ways to ask for help — even when it feels impossible.

1. “I’m not sure what to ask for, but I don’t want to be alone.”

When depression or suicidal thoughts take hold, it’s often hard to articulate exactly what help looks like. You may not have the words, the clarity, or the energy to explain. That’s why Sam encourages people to lead with honesty — not certainty.

As Sam Dylan Finch explained:

Sometimes the biggest obstacle is that people really don’t know what they need. And the expectation that people should when they’re in such a dark space is really like asking someone who doesn’t know how to swim, like you throw them in the water and you’re like, “I don’t know, just swim.”
And so allowing people to just name that, say, “I don’t know what I need,” and to just express like, “I’m not sure what to ask for, but I do know that I don’t wanna do this alone,” can be really, really powerful in letting loved ones know, “Yeah, I’m a little lost right now, but just having you here with me is important to me.”

Terry responded with a sentiment many listeners might share:

It’s actually beautiful. If someone said that to me, you know, I would so be there, and I could see myself saying it to someone, but I never in my entire life have.

Sam reflected on that shared struggle:

Right, and we don’t see it modeled. I can’t think of a time when someone said that to me. But I do know that if someone did, I would be there in a heartbeat. I think it’s just finding those words can be so difficult.

2. “I’m struggling and what I’ve been trying isn’t working. Can we meet up and come up with a better plan?”

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, what you’ve been doing to manage your mental health just isn’t helping anymore. But creating a new plan — when you’re already overwhelmed — can feel like trying to put together a puzzle without any of the edge pieces.

Sam Dylan Finch described why this second strategy is so needed:

This one I knew had to be on the list just because the system is still so, so complicated. And I’ve watched so many people that I love try to figure it out when it’s too late, you know? When they’re already so depressed and things are just so dysfunctional that asking them to make phone call after phone call, set up appointments, figure out meal plans, or even like trying to figure out how to get an apartment cleaner — like so many little things that have to be put together like a puzzle to really get any kind of progress going…
That I realized that there’s no reason why that can’t be a team approach.

He also explained the importance of picking a specific time:

Setting a specific time, I think, performs a couple of functions. The first is so that the person you’re talking to understands that this isn’t something you’re asking for a month from now or like “whenever” — that it’s an urgent ask, that the stakes are there, that people understand that this is important.
And also I think it’s helpful for the person who’s struggling to just know like, “Okay, things are really cruddy right now, but I do know that on Wednesday night, I’m meeting up with X friend and we’re gonna come up with a plan.”