Terry McGuire is an award-winning journalist and news anchor turned mental health and hope advocate. The Giving Voice to Depression podcast that she created and cohosts has been downloaded more than 2.5 million times, and ranks in the top 1% of global podcasts.
Terry McGuire is an award-winning journalist and news anchor turned mental health and hope advocate. The Giving Voice to Depression podcast that she created and cohosts has been downloaded more than 2.5 million times, and ranks in the top 1% of global podcasts.
This article summarizes a deeply personal conversation featured on the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In each episode, Terry speaks with someone who has lived experience of depression or a mental health professional working in the field. In Episode 356: “Living at 60%: A Raw Look at Persistent Depression” guest Lori shares her story of living with persistent depressive disorder (PDD), offering honest insight into what it’s like to survive—not thrive—on a daily basis.
Unlike the more episodic nature of major depressive disorder, PDD is a chronic, long-lasting form of depression, often described as living life through a heavy, emotional fog. Lori’s reflections are raw and real, shedding light on the misunderstood experience of “high-functioning” depression. Below are the key takeaways and hard truths Lori reveals about this condition.
PDD isn’t about feeling low occasionally—it’s about feeling low always. Lori has lived in a nearly constant state of depression for nine years, with the occasional major depressive episode layered on top. This overlapping experience is sometimes called “double depression.”
“I’m not, you know, laid out flat where I just can’t function. But it feels like that’s kind of where I stopped, but I’ve never truly regained the emotional feelings of what it feels like to be out in the sunshine like normal.” – Lori
Lori explains she operates at about 60% of her capacity most days. To outsiders, she may appear functional, but internally, every task requires immense effort.
“I can do things…but it’s still really hard and I just have to push myself to keep going because I have to. I mean, I don’t have a choice.” – Lori
Living at 60% makes you more vulnerable to the lows. A minor setback can plunge someone dangerously close to the pit of depression. This constant proximity to the edge is one of the most harrowing realities of PDD.
“It’s scary because you’re closer to the bottom… So just maybe sometimes even a little swing can make a dramatic difference in how much I’m able to function because it’s like starting out underwater.” – Lori
In one of the most powerful metaphors of the episode, Lori likens her experience of depression to listening to music underwater. You know the song is beautiful, but you can’t really hear it.
“So like, say I’m doing something with my kids … I can know that I should be feeling joyful about it, like this is a joyous occasion. I know what it should be. I just can’t get there” – Lori
For Lori, every morning begins with despair. It’s not about needing more sleep. It’s about not having the will to face another day of heavy emotional labor.
“Every single morning I wake up and I’m really disappointed that I woke up again… it feels like I have a beanbag chair full of lead on top of me. It’s like, I’m awake and I can’t … I can’t do anything.” – Lori
Lori’s experience includes passive suicidal ideation—not active planning, but a consistent, draining wish to “just not wake up.” This type of ideation is often overlooked or minimized.
Lori’s story reinforces how well people with chronic depression can mask their struggles. To outsiders, they may appear fine—cheerful, even productive. But appearances can be deceiving.