Mothering Through Mental Illness: 15 Ways to Stay Grounded While Raising Neurodivergent Kids

This article summarizes a conversation on the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire, featuring Michelle — a mother living with depression, anxiety, and ADHD while raising two neurodivergent children.

Parenting while navigating depression is already complex. Parenting neurodivergent children while managing depression, anxiety, and ADHD is a level of emotional, logistical, and physical strain that few people outside that experience understand. In this candid and deeply human conversation, Michelle shares how she survives those overlapping challenges and the small, life-saving strategies that help her stay grounded.

Her insights echo the tone familiar to Giving Voice to Depression listeners: honest, compassionate, and rooted in lived experience rather than theory. Below are 15 lessons drawn from her story.

1. Understand Your Depression Timeline

Michelle’s depression did not begin when she became a mother. It began decades earlier, at 17, during a defining rupture in her family.

Michelle shared:

Looking back, it probably started when I was 17. My dad, who everybody loved and adored, he just walked out the door and never came back.

That wound collided with the transition to college, where she mistook self-medication for normal social behavior.

Michelle explained:

I thought going out with friends and drinking or smoking weed was all normal college stuff… but I enjoyed it more because it was a way to escape those feelings.

Naming the long arc of depression helps people see today’s struggles not as sudden weakness but as the continuation of an old, unhealed pain.

2. Recognize Depression’s Physical Weight

Depression lives in the body — a truth Michelle articulates with striking clarity.

Michelle said:

When I'm depressed, it's like this heavy feeling. I feel like my limbs are heavy. I feel I can't stand up and move. I have no energy.

Terry points out that the public often misunderstands statements like “it’s hard to get out of bed,” assuming metaphor when it is actually literal.

As Terry noted:

When they say it’s hard to get out of bed, it’s like, oh no — it is actually hard.

Understanding depression as a physical condition, not simply an emotional one, can reduce shame and help families respond with more compassion.

3. See Your Household Clearly

Michelle is raising two children who also have diagnoses: one with OCD and significant anxiety, the other with DMDD and ADHD. That creates a household where emotional intensity is constant.

Michelle said:

My daughter has OCD with a lot of anxiety, and my son has DMDD paired with ADHD. So there’s a lot going on in my house all the time.

Her own mental health conditions — depression, anxiety, ADHD — add additional layers to daily life.

Instead of assuming chaos is a sign of poor parenting, Michelle’s story showcases how layered, complex, and demanding these households truly are.

4. Use Small Self-Compassion Reminders

Michelle’s therapist suggested something small but powerful: a reminder on her phone to speak to herself kindly.

Michelle explained:

Set a reminder to tell yourself you’re a good parent and you’re trying your hardest, or to acknowledge that this is really hard but it's gonna be okay.

When a household is full of big emotions, these gentle interruptions prevent her from slipping into shame or autopilot.

Michelle admitted:

Sometimes the simplest things you don’t even think of until somebody says, “Hey, just take a minute to remind yourself that you don’t suck.”

These micro-moments help anchor her when days are otherwise consumed by other people’s needs.

5. Let Thoughts Move Through

During pregnancy, Michelle had severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Her therapist suggested an acceptance-based strategy:

Michelle recalled:

What if you just let whatever thought popped in your head just be there and then know that it’s gonna go away?

This shifted her relationship with fear.

Michelle added:

I think the fight of trying to control how I was feeling made it worse.

Now she teaches her daughter the same skill — allowing emotions to exist without fear or shame.

Michelle told her daughter:

If you're mad, cool. Let it roll. Sit with it. It’s not gonna be fun, but you can do the hard thing.

6. Create a Daily Vent Ritual

A daily ritual with her husband offered Michelle a lifeline during her pregnancies.

Michelle explained:

We’d set aside 10 minutes every day and I would tell him all the crazy things in my head… the intrusive thoughts, the feelings, the ups and downs.

The point wasn’t advice — it was containment.

Michelle said:

Afterward I felt so much better because it wasn’t in me anymore… and somebody heard it and didn’t run away.

This simple routine validated her experiences and gave her a model she hopes her children will rely on someday.

7. Balance Empathy and Boundaries

Michelle believes depression has made her a more empathetic parent — but empathy can also complicate discipline.

Michelle said:

I don’t ever want to forget what it felt like when I was a kid… I’ve been ten. I’ve been eight. I don’t wanna forget that.

But she also recognizes empathy’s limits.

Michelle admitted:

Being too empathetic can make it really hard to hold the line when you need to.

Healthy parenting requires empathy and boundaries — neither works well alone.

8. Treat Self-Care as Essential

Depression often tells Michelle she doesn’t matter — that her needs are optional.

Michelle explained:

Depression tricks you into thinking you’re not important, like you should put yourself on the back burner.

But she’s actively challenging that lie.

Michelle said:

I deserve a certain level of respect. I deserve to say, “I’m not gonna do that right now because I need time for myself.”

This models mental health care for her children and strengthens the entire household.

9. Normalize “Not Today” Moments

Even when weighed down by depression, Michelle hears an internal voice demanding productivity.

Michelle shared:

I have toxic productivity… I’m still in my head like, “What are you gonna accomplish?” even when I can’t do much of anything.

Terry encourages the normalization of “not today.”

As Terry said:

Throughout life, there are days we can and days we can’t. Minutes we can and minutes we can’t.

Recognizing limits is not failure. It’s human.

10. Track Your Early Warning Signs

Michelle notices depression approaching through behavioral markers — especially disorder in small spaces.

Michelle said:

The number one signal I’m depressed is that my closet is a mess. I live out of my laundry basket.

She also experiences cognitive slowing and reduced organization.

Michelle explained:

I see my productivity come down… I’m less fresh in my mind. I become messy.

These early cues help her adjust expectations before the crash fully hits.

11. Prepare Support Systems Early

On stable days, Michelle prepares her home, routines, and environment for future depressive episodes.

Michelle said:

If I’m depressed, I can say, “Thank God for last-week Michelle,” because she got things together.

Preparation becomes an act of self-compassion across time.

Michelle added:

My kids need that too… when I get scattered, they get scattered.

These systems don’t eliminate depression, but they minimize its fallout.

12. Know Medication Isn’t Everything

Michelle was medicated for ADHD early in life but didn’t receive depression treatment until she was 26.

Michelle explained:

They gave me medication that treated anxiety and depression… and I was like, “Whoa, that’s a total difference.”

Still, she clarifies an important misconception:

Michelle said:

People think you go to therapy and take medication and you’re good. But no — medication’s only gonna do so much. You have to do the other half of the work.

This honest framing helps others understand why lingering symptoms are not personal failures.

13. Ask What Your Soul Needs

Michelle regularly checks in about what her soul is craving — nature, quiet, horses, simplicity.

Michelle explained:

When I’m depressed, I ask myself: What is making me feel depressed? Can I identify it? Can I address it?

Sometimes the answer is small, like cleaning a cluttered workspace.

Michelle shared:

I’ll take five minutes and do whatever I can. When the five minutes is over, whatever is there is there.

These micro-actions help “unlock” stuck mental gears.

14. Choose Compassion Over Judgment

When discussing her son’s diagnosis, Terry offers clarity about DMDD, and Carly broadens the conversation to public judgment.

As Carly explained:

We see a kid struggling and it is rare to offer compassion. Passing judgment on parents and children with big feelings is something our society does a crummy job at.

Empathy for children and parents experiencing emotional dysregulation can transform how communities respond to behavior that is often misinterpreted.

And as Terry reminds listeners, understanding others helps us understand our own journeys.

As Terry reflected:

There are other people having similar experiences, and we can all learn from each other.

15. Build Simple Visual Supports

Carly shares that she created her own “support bingo card” after hearing Michelle’s ideas.

As Carly shared:

I plan to write down things that support me… a shower, shaking out my shoulders, humming.

She notes that when distress is high, recalling helpful strategies feels impossible.

This grid — simple, visual, accessible — removes that cognitive burden and provides immediate options.

It mirrors Michelle’s philosophy: support should be small, doable, and available, even when the mind feels fogged or flooded.

Final Thoughts

Michelle’s story is not a tale of “overcoming” depression. It is a story of living with depression — honestly, imperfectly, and with extraordinary persistence. Raising neurodivergent children while managing her own mental health requires continual adjustment, compassion, inventive strategies, and forgiveness.

Her insights are not theoretical. They come from nights of exhaustion, mornings of heaviness, therapy sessions full of tears, and years of learning what her soul needs to stay afloat.

In sharing her story, she extends solidarity to parents who are struggling quietly, offering both validation and practical tools. Depression is a long road, but — as this episode beautifully demonstrates — it is less dark when we walk it together.

Key Takeaways

• Depression is physical, not just emotional.
• Neurodivergent households require extra structure, empathy, and creativity.
• Small supports — alarms, grids, 10-minute vents — are powerful and accessible.
• Empathy and boundaries can coexist, even for highly sensitive parents.
• Medication helps, but skills, routines, and support systems are still essential.
• Self-care is not selfish; it’s protective for the entire family.
• Emotional “warning signs” allow for planning and softer landings.
• Compassion — for children, parents, and ourselves — matters more than judgment.