This article summarizes a heartfelt and insightful conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, Terry welcomes psychologist, author, and fellow podcaster Dr. Margaret Rutherford to talk about New Year’s resolutions — and how we can approach them in gentler, more sustainable ways that truly support our mental health.

Every week, the podcast reminds us that depression is real — and so is hope. This conversation continues that honest spirit by inviting listeners to reflect on what well-being really means. Instead of focusing only on goals like dieting or organization, Terry and Dr. Rutherford ask a deeper question:

What if your most important resolutions this year centered on your mental and emotional health — not fixing your flaws?

Here are 11 meaningful insights to help shape a kinder, more compassionate start to the new year.

1. Why Resolutions Often Fail

We’ve all heard it — most New Year’s resolutions don’t last. Terry shares research indicating that less than half of people who set resolutions keep them. But what surprised her most was that people who don’t set resolutions at all rarely meet their goals either. So clarity and intentionality matter — but so does the spirit behind the goal.

As Dr. Margaret explained:

Any goal that you set when it is based in I hate this about myself, I want to change it is bound to fail because you will slip up, you will make a mistake and then you pile on the shame again.

Shame rarely inspires lasting change. It discourages us, fuels self-criticism, and convinces us to give up.

So instead of saying “I need to fix myself,” the invitation becomes “How can I better care for myself?”

That subtle emotional shift matters.

2. Focus on Whole Health

Dr. Rutherford reminds listeners that health isn’t only about calories, miles, or productivity checklists.

She encourages us to see health as a whole-person experience, including:

• Physical well-being
• Emotional balance
• Mental stability
• Spiritual grounding

From that lens, resolutions become nurturing practices instead of punishments. They’re less about control — and more about connection to yourself. And they can evolve over time, rather than existing as rigid rules.

This reflects the heart of Terry’s work: acknowledging struggle honestly while still honoring hope.

3. Reflect Without Blame

Meaningful growth asks us to consider how our past experiences still shape our present. That doesn’t mean reliving pain or assigning blame — but becoming aware of the stories we carry.

As Dr. Margaret explained:

You look at your past and say, are there things that are affecting me that I must realize I can be aware that those things are affecting and that I want to heal those, I want to connect with things that I've been afraid to connect with or have denied were important.

Gentle awareness — not judgment — allows healing to begin.

This is not about perfection. It’s about compassion. It’s about understanding that the nervous system remembers, even when the conscious mind is trying to move forward. And it’s about realizing that insight itself can be an act of healing.

4. Practice Real Self-Care

In a world overflowing with bubble-bath memes and spa-day slogans, Dr. Rutherford clarifies what real self-care truly is.

It’s not always glamorous — and it’s rarely about indulgence alone.

As Dr. Margaret described:

Real self-care is more about taking care of the small things, cleaning out a drawer or going for a walk with a friend or doing things that are very tangible that help you sustain a better attitude.

In other words:

• Self-care can be quiet
• Self-care can be ordinary
• Self-care can be consistent

And that’s exactly what makes it powerful.

Real self-care supports stability. It helps us feel a little less overwhelmed. It puts energy back into the parts of life that matter most. And unlike grand, short-lived bursts of self-improvement, these gentle habits are the ones that last.

5. Build Inner Soothing

If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that certainty is fragile. Dr. Rutherford talks about the importance of internal validation — the ability to comfort and regulate ourselves rather than constantly seeking reassurance from others.

As Dr. Margaret observed:

We have to develop more of an internal validation… Things that we can say to ourselves, things that we be aware of in the moment that are fulfilling.

Internal soothing is a life skill. And, like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

Some ways to strengthen it include:

• Practicing grounding exercises
• Writing feelings instead of suppressing them
• Speaking kindly to yourself
• Reminding yourself you are allowed to struggle

Learning to speak to ourselves with the same compassion we offer others can be transformative.

6. Plant Seeds Today

Healthy change isn’t instant. It grows from small choices made consistently.

As Dr. Margaret reflected:

What can you do in the present that will affect the future positively?

Sometimes that looks like:

• Opening honest conversations with your children
• Modeling vulnerability
• Setting boundaries
• Seeking therapy
• Choosing kindness toward yourself

She even compares it to eating well for long-term health — not for quick results, but because future-you matters.

It’s a reminder that your life isn’t only lived today — it’s also unfolding ahead of you.

7. Watch Your Inputs

One powerful topic explored in the conversation was the impact of social media, media content, and relationships on mental health.

Dr. Rutherford highlights new research showing that high social-media engagement correlates with rising depression.

As Dr. Margaret shared:

The more you watch and manage and are engaged in social media, the more depressed you will get.

She also invites listeners to reflect on relational patterns:

• Are you always the “giver”?
• Do certain people drain you?
• Are you surrounded by negativity?

Being proactive in what — and who — we allow into our emotional world is part of mental-health maintenance.

This isn’t isolation — it’s mindful protection. It’s saying my peace matters.

8. Consider Therapy Support

Mental-health resolutions increasingly include therapy, journaling, meditation, and wellness apps. Dr. Rutherford celebrates this shift, describing therapy as a gift to yourself.

As Dr. Margaret expressed:

Starting therapy is such a wonderful commitment to yourself.

The conversation also recognizes that virtual therapy expands access, especially for people dealing with depression, anxiety, panic disorders, mobility challenges, or executive-function struggles.

This matters. Barriers — like transportation, energy, fear, and stigma — are real. Reducing those barriers saves lives.

9. You Can’t Always Tell

One of the most moving themes in the conversation is the painful truth that many people appear okay — while quietly struggling.

Dr. Rutherford has spent decades witnessing hidden suffering in people others assumed were thriving.

As Dr. Margaret reflected:

You never really know what's going on with someone, and you don't want to assume that everyone is who they seem.

Checking in can be powerful. Asking “How are you really doing?” communicates care and safety. And being honest about our own struggles helps dismantle stigma.

Because vulnerability invites vulnerability.

10. Shift to “We,” Not “Them”

Mental-health struggles don’t only affect “other people.” Throughout the episode, Dr. Rutherford and Terry reflect on how many people who once judged mental illness eventually experience it themselves — and learn empathy the hard way.

As Dr. Margaret shared:

It's really important to not have a us and them kind of mentality but a we.

This shift matters.

Because:

• Depression doesn’t discriminate
• Anxiety doesn’t judge
• Bipolar disorder doesn’t select only certain lives
• Trauma doesn’t follow rules

We are all human. And humanity includes vulnerability.

11. Practice Self-Forgiveness

Therapy is not only about what has been done to us — sometimes it also involves facing the things we have done while hurting, afraid, or overwhelmed.

Dr. Rutherford emphasizes the importance of accountability paired with compassion.

As Dr. Margaret described:

You can try to make amends, you can do things in the present that help you bear the sadness you feel for doing that to someone else or to yourself.

Healing is rarely linear.
Growth is rarely graceful.
But transformation remains possible.

And, as Terry gently reflects throughout the series, there is no health without mental health.

Key Takeaways

Here are a few grounding reminders from this conversation:

• Self-compassion fuels real change.
• Shame does the opposite.
• Small, steady habits matter.
• Internal soothing is a valuable skill.
• Be mindful of what — and who — you absorb.
• Therapy is an act of self-care, not weakness.
• You can’t always see someone’s pain.
• There is no “us and them” — only “we.”
• Self-forgiveness helps healing continue.

And above all:

You deserve support. You deserve understanding. You deserve care.

Final Thoughts

As the episode closes, Terry and Bridget reflect on the idea of not just having a to-do list, but a to-be list — focusing not on productivity but on the qualities we want to live into.

Maybe this year is not about pushing harder.
Maybe it’s about softening toward yourself.

Maybe it’s about:

• Being honest about how you feel
• Allowing rest
• Releasing shame
• Reaching out
• Staying curious about your story

And remembering that growth doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence.

The heart of this conversation — like the podcast itself — is a simple truth:

Mental-health resolutions aren’t punishments. They’re promises of care.

Promises that say:

• You deserve compassion
• You deserve support
• You deserve hope

And, as always, you don’t have to walk this path alone.