Managing Holiday Stress and Depression: 13 Compassionate Ways to Protect Your Mental Health This Season

The holiday season is often portrayed as joyful, festive, and overflowing with connection. Lights sparkle, calendars fill, and cultural messaging insists this should be the happiest time of year. But for many people living with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges, the holidays can feel heavy, overwhelming, and emotionally isolating.

This article is a longform summary of a conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, Terry speaks with psychologist Dr. Anita Sanz about how to navigate holiday stress and depression with compassion, boundaries, realism, and intention. The discussion also includes reflections from co-hosts who share lived experience with depression and the holidays.

Together, they unpack why the season can intensify symptoms, how unrealistic expectations can quietly erode mental health, and what both individuals and loved ones can do to make the holidays more survivable — and sometimes even meaningful. Dr. Sanz brings decades of clinical insight to the conversation, while Terry grounds the discussion in empathy, lived experience, and a refusal to sugarcoat reality.

1. Holidays Increase Emotional Pressure

As the year winds down, the pace of life often speeds up. There are more social invitations, more family obligations, more financial pressure, and more expectations about how people should feel. Even individuals without mental health challenges frequently report feeling stressed or overwhelmed during this time.

For people living with depression, that pressure can be magnified. Depression often involves low energy, emotional numbness, difficulty concentrating, and heightened sensitivity to stress. When those symptoms collide with a busy holiday season, even small demands can feel insurmountable.

What’s commonly misunderstood is that withdrawing or declining invitations isn’t a lack of care or interest. More often, it’s an attempt to manage limited emotional and physical resources.

Dr. Anita Sanz explained:

It's all of these crazy unrealistic expectations, which people who aren't dealing with diagnosable mental or medical health issues already are feeling incredibly stressed and overwhelmed about. And then if you're dealing with those on top of it, it's just sometimes too much to manage.

Recognizing this reality helps replace judgment with understanding.

2. Unrealistic Expectations Cause Harm

The holidays come with powerful cultural scripts. Movies, commercials, and social media show scenes of perfect gatherings, endless energy, and effortless joy. These images can create an unspoken standard that many people feel they’re failing to meet.

For someone with depression, this can deepen feelings of shame or inadequacy. If joy doesn’t come easily, it’s easy to conclude that something is wrong with them.

Dr. Sanz encourages a compassionate reframe — one that focuses on why joy might be inaccessible rather than criticizing its absence.

Dr. Sanz encouraged a reframing:

Trying to understand why it would be difficult for someone to feel the joy and the peace and the love that is supposed to be available at the holidays — what's blocking that? Is it grief? Is it pain? Is it suffering? Is it some of the symptoms of depression?

When expectations ignore reality, they don’t motivate — they wound.

3. Scrooge Through a New Lens

One of the most striking moments in the episode comes from an unexpected place: A Christmas Carol. Dr. Sanz describes watching a stage production and realizing she had never truly considered Ebenezer Scrooge as a grieving human being.

Instead of seeing him as cold or selfish, she began to see the profound losses he had endured — losses that would make joy feel unreachable for anyone, especially during the holidays.

Reflecting on that realization, Dr. Sanz shared:

When you looked at the fact that he'd lost his partner, and he'd lost his love, and he was really grieving these things — when you're grieving at the holidays, I think it's going to be very, very difficult to get into the so-called holiday spirit.

This reframing challenges how quickly people label others as disengaged or uncaring when, in reality, they may be hurting.

4. Withdrawal Conserves Emotional Energy

Depression changes how people manage energy. Tasks that might seem simple to others can feel draining or overwhelming. In that context, withdrawal and irritability are often not choices — they’re coping mechanisms.

Dr. Sanz explains that these behaviors frequently function as energy conservation strategies. When emotional reserves are low, reducing stimulation becomes necessary.

As Dr. Sanz explained:

If you see irritability, if you see people withdrawing, if you see people not wanting to join in, to me, that just makes sense. That's energy conservation.

Many people also pull back because they fear burdening others or “bringing the mood down.” Understanding this can prevent hurt feelings and misinterpretations.

5. Unpredictability Makes Planning Hard

One of the less visible challenges of depression is inconsistency. Some days are manageable; others are not. This unpredictability makes committing to future plans feel risky.

When invitations arrive weeks in advance, many people decline early because they can’t promise how they’ll feel. Saying no can feel safer than risking disappointment later.

Dr. Sanz described what she sees clinically:

People with depression often decline because they can't predict how they're going to feel that day. They don't know if they'll have what it takes to be part of it.

Unfortunately, this protective choice can lead to isolation — even when connection might help.

6. Offer Invitations Without Pressure

One of the most impactful ideas from the episode is what Dr. Sanz calls “offering the out.” Instead of requiring a firm yes or no, hosts can explicitly allow flexibility.

Dr. Sanz emphasized:

One of the best and kindest things you can do at this time is to offer the out — you don't have to say yes or no. You can go if it's a good day. If it's not, you don't have to.

This approach reduces anxiety, guilt, and pressure — and often makes attendance more likely.

7. Thoughtful Hosting Reduces Stress

Flexibility doesn’t stop with invitations. Terry and his co-hosts discuss how small gestures from hosts can dramatically change someone’s experience.

As Terry thoughtfully suggested:

Remember we have a guest room. If you ever want to disappear for 20 minutes and rejoin the party, or you can sneak out at any time — no need to say goodbye.

Dr. Sanz reinforced why this matters:

Just something that lets you know that your presence in any way, shape, or form is desired — and that there isn't an expectation on how you are, how long you're there, and how you manage that.

These gestures communicate safety rather than obligation.

8. Self-Compassion Is Essential Care

As the conversation turns inward, Dr. Sanz emphasizes that basic self-care becomes non-negotiable during stressful seasons. For people with depression, this isn’t about luxury — it’s about stability.

She highlights four foundations:

• Sleep
• Nutrition
• Gentle movement
• Stress management

Dr. Sanz explained:

Build something into your day that feels loving toward you. If you can't feel happiness, that's okay. You still need to do something caring for yourself.

Self-care, in this framing, is maintenance — not indulgence.

9. Simple Self-Care Still Counts

There’s a widespread belief that self-care must be elaborate or expensive to matter. Dr. Sanz gently dismantles that idea.

Small, accessible acts can be deeply restorative:

• Sitting with a warm drink
• Wrapping up in a blanket
• Spending quiet time with a pet
• Listening to calming music

As she shared:

Beneath all of this is supposed to be the celebration of love and hope and goodwill in the world. Taking a moment to slow down and expose yourself to that doesn’t cost anything.

Often, simplicity is what makes care sustainable.

10. Traditions Are Optional Choices

One of the most empowering messages in the episode is the reminder that traditions are not mandatory. People are allowed to question what they do — and why they do it.

Dr. Sanz encourages honest self-reflection.

Dr. Sanz encouraged honest self-reflection:

You do not have to do anything because you think it's expected, or it's always been done, or everybody else is doing it.

Reimagining the holidays around personal values and capacity can protect both mental and financial health.

11. Less Can Create More Peace

As the conversation winds down, Dr. Sanz emphasizes moderation. Doing less can make space for rest, presence, and meaning.

As she explained:

Getting it down to the bare bones allows you to soak up what feeds you and leaves you refreshed instead of exhausted.

Letting go of perfectionism often leads to deeper enjoyment of what truly matters.

12. Key Takeaways to Remember

To make these ideas easier to carry forward, here are some of the core takeaways from the episode:

• Depression often intensifies during the holidays
• Withdrawal and irritability are protective responses
• Flexible invitations reduce pressure and guilt
• Compassionate hosting creates emotional safety
• Self-care is maintenance, not indulgence
• Traditions are optional and adaptable
• Doing less can lead to more peace

Each of these reinforces the episode’s central message: care matters more than convention.

13. Final Thoughts on Holiday Care

The heart of this conversation is not about creating a perfect holiday. It’s about getting through the season without deepening suffering. It’s about recognizing that mental health deserves protection — especially during times of heightened expectation.

Terry and his co-hosts reflect on how giving themselves permission to simplify has created relief and, unexpectedly, more genuine connection. When pressure lifts, space opens. When expectations soften, authenticity has room to breathe.

As Terry put it with warmth and clarity:

We're looking to take care of you.

That sentiment captures the spirit of this episode — and offers a kinder, more realistic path through the holidays for anyone living with depression.