Grieving After Suicide: 12 Ways to Support Loss Survivors with Compassion

3. Show Up Imperfectly

When someone is grieving, your willingness to show up means more than perfect words.

Lisa explained:

Don’t push. Don’t feel like you have to be doing all the talking. Just be there to listen. That’s the most powerful thing anyone can actually do—to hold space for someone who’s lost someone.

Be helpful by asking:

• “Would it help to talk about your person, or not today?”
• “Can I sit with you for a bit?”
• “How can I make this week easier for you?”

What matters most is presence without pressure.

4. Say Their Name

Many people avoid mentioning the person who died, fearing it will cause pain. But for most survivors, hearing the name is a gift.

Lisa shared:

I know in my own life, how valuable it is to me when someone asks about my dad or mentions his name. It brings him back a little bit for me each time someone mentions his name.

Try: “I was thinking about [Name] today.”
It tells the survivor you remember and that their loved one’s life still matters.

5. Reframe the “Burden” Myth

People who die by suicide often believe they are a burden, and that removing themselves will relieve loved ones. Lisa emphasizes this belief is false—and dangerous.

Lisa clarified:

They’re not leaving because of you. They’re leaving because they’re in pain and they don’t want to be in pain anymore.

Understanding this helps survivors release misplaced guilt. It reframes suicide as a tragic consequence of pain, not a reflection of love or worth.

6. You Can Do Everything Right—And Still Lose Them

Some survivors never saw warning signs. Others noticed them and tried everything to help. Both carry pain.

Lisa emphasized:

Sometimes nothing you can say or do—no amount of help or counseling or medication—can fix the problem. Sometimes things happen in spite of our best efforts… It’s not your fault.

If you supported your person the best you could, hold that truth close. It’s not a failure of love or effort.

7. Know About 988

When crisis hits, 988—the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline—can be a lifeline for anyone in emotional distress, not just those with suicidal thoughts.

Lisa suggested:

The best place that anyone can call and reach out to is the 988 crisis and suicide hotline. Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you might be dealing with—have it in your brain, in your pocket, on the fridge.

You can call, text, or chat with 988.
If someone is scared to call, offer to sit beside them, or test it together on a calm day to reduce fear later.

8. Offer Specific, Gentle Help

Grief depletes energy and focus. Survivors often can’t identify what they need. Replace “Let me know if you need anything” with clear, practical offers.

Examples:

• “I can drop off dinner tomorrow—does pasta sound okay?”
• “Want help sorting mail or bills?”
• “I’ll check in again next week, just to say hi.”

Keep it simple, consistent, and flexible.

9. Avoid Hurtful Questions

Even neutral-sounding comments can sting. Lisa cautions against assumptions or probing.

Lisa warned:

You might as well just punch someone directly in the face. That can be unbelievably hurtful to someone who is, of course, feeling some degree of guilt. Just really try and be as neutral and nonjudgmental as you can be.

Avoid saying:

• “Were there signs?”
• “I bet you feel so guilty.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”

Do say:
“I’m so sorry. I care about you. I’m here when you want to talk.”

10. Find People Who Get It

Not all grief support groups fit suicide loss. Lisa urges survivors to seek out spaces with others who truly understand.

Lisa said:

It’s an entirely different situation when you’re talking to somebody who has experienced the kind of loss that you’re experiencing. Even though there are similarities, every loss is slightly different depending on the relationship and situation.

Look for suicide loss survivor groups—in-person or virtual. Talking to others who’ve been there helps transform isolation into community.

11. Use Crisis Lines Creatively

Crisis lines aren’t just for imminent danger—they’re for connection, grounding, and compassion.

As Terry reflected:

You can call and talk about anything with someone trained to listen—someone who won’t be shocked and who likely has heard it before. There’s a real comfort in knowing that someone will simply say, “Talk to me.”

Texting or chatting can help if speaking feels impossible.
Some people even call while driving, walking, or waiting in line—just to feel less alone.

12. Trust That Grief Will Change

Grief after suicide never disappears, but its edges soften. Lisa closes the episode with hope grounded in reality.

Lisa shared:

Take heart, that the way that you feel right now is not always the way you’re going to feel. I’m not gonna say you’ll be over it because we never are, and I wouldn’t want to be. Grief is love. Trust that as you move forward at your own pace, you will not always feel the way that you feel right now. There is another side to it.

You don’t “get over” loss—you grow around it. The pain evolves as you carry your person forward.

A Quick Guide for Supporters

When you don’t know what to do, keep this list in mind:

Do:

• Say their loved one’s name
• Ask open questions and listen
• Offer practical help
• Check in months later
• Encourage professional and peer support

Don’t:

• Ask for details of the death
• Imply guilt or failure
• Force timelines
• Go silent after the first few weeks

One steady phrase can carry weight:
“I’ll keep showing up for you, in whatever way you need.”

For Survivors Seeking Support

If you’ve lost someone to suicide:

Lisa said:

If I had known that I could have picked up the phone and talked to someone who didn’t know me and didn’t know my situation, I think it would have been hugely valuable to me. Just knowing there are safe spaces to talk to people who understand makes a difference.

Try these steps:

1. Save 988 in your phone.
2. Join a virtual or local support group.
3. Write down names of trusted people to call during rough moments.
4. Plan for anniversaries and triggers with gentle self-care.

You don’t have to face it alone. Help exists—and healing, though slow, is possible.

Why Language Matters

The words we use can either connect or wound.

Carly added:

Sometimes people can tell when you can’t handle their grief, and the relationship gets squeezed. They don’t feel like they can be their real selves. It’s so important to be a person who can hold that space.

Choose language that shows empathy:

• Say “died by suicide,” not “committed suicide.”
• Say “survivor of suicide loss,” not “victim.”
• Ask, “What would be most helpful today?”

Small shifts make a big difference.

Keep Their Memory Alive

Remembering keeps love present. Rituals—big or small—help survivors find meaning in remembrance.

Terry reflected:

When I’ve interviewed survivors, they’ve said unanimously that they want people to talk about the person they lost. Bring them up. It lets them know you still remember and that you’re keeping their memory alive.

Ideas:

• Light a candle weekly.
• Share stories.
• Volunteer in their honor.
• Create an annual gathering or walk.

These rituals honor grief not as an ending, but as love that continues.

Expand Compassion Beyond the Inner Circle

Terry reminds us that when suicide rates rise, the number of survivors rises too. Our collective compassion must grow with it.

Terry explained:

When we name grief, reduce shame, and offer practical support, we create conditions that help survivors carry the unbearable—and sometimes even find steadier ground.

Talk about suicide loss openly. Share resources. Invite empathy into workplaces, schools, and conversations. Every act of openness reduces stigma and builds connection.

Quotes to Carry Forward

As Lisa said:

You’re not alone. There are so many people who’ve been impacted by suicide loss. People just don’t talk about it.

As Lisa explained:

They’re not leaving because of you. They’re leaving because they’re in pain and they don’t want to be in pain anymore.

As Lisa shared:

Take heart: the way that you feel right now is not always the way you’re going to feel… grief is love.

Closing Thoughts

If you love someone grieving a suicide loss, show up—imperfectly, consistently, and without judgment.
If you’re a survivor yourself, know this: your love and your grief are two sides of the same devotion.

As Lisa, Terry, and Carly remind us, connection—whether with a friend, a peer group, or a counselor—can be the thread that helps you make it through the night and into another day.