High-Functioning Alcohol Use: 10 Lessons from Sober Coach Courtney Anderson to Escape the Moderation Cycle

3. The Shift from Hangovers to Panic Attacks

One of the most defining and terrifying shifts in Courtney’s drinking was the onset of extreme anxiety following a night of heavy use. After she turned 25, her “hangovers turned to panic attacks.” This is a common and critical progression in heavy drinking, often referred to as alcohol-induced anxiety or hangxiety.

“It was not just like a little teensy bits of anxiety. It was like full blown. I am thinking I’m going to die.”

The physical and psychological stress alcohol places on the central nervous system leads to a rebound effect when it leaves the body. The brain, attempting to rebalance from the depressant effects of alcohol, becomes hyper-excitable, leading to intense fear, racing heart, and the feeling of impending doom. This experience was so severe that it led her to an urgent care visit where, in her words, she genuinely felt she was “gonna die and have a heart attack.” This escalating consequence makes the cycle more difficult to maintain and often serves as a significant motivator for change.

4. The Cat-alyst: Finding Your Non-Self-Love Reason

Courtney’s ultimate decision to quit came after a dramatic blackout that resulted in her losing her cat, Fiona, by leaving a sliding glass door open. For three agonizing days, she was in the “worst hangover of my life,” crippled by guilt and shame, while her boyfriend was furious.

In a moment of desperation and clarity, she made a pact: If I find her, this is my sign to give up alcohol.

When Fiona emerged on the third day, the world went silent—a true “universe, god slash movie moment.” The cat, a rescue and the heart of her partner, became the catalyst for her change.

“A lot of people wanna debate this one where it’s like, well, you shouldn’t get sober for something else. But it’s like, but something’s gotta be the catalyst. And at, at that beginning, I did not love myself.”

While the eventual goal of sobriety is self-love, the starting line often involves a deep connection to something or someone else: a child, a partner, a pet, a career, or a health crisis. This external motivation provides the necessary leverage when self-worth is low. Her husband’s clear boundary—”You can continue to drink. I’m not gonna partake in this anymore… it’s too much”—also forced a choice: keep the drinking life or keep the loving partner.

5. Prioritizing the Single, Crucial Goal in Early Sobriety

After her “day one” on August 18, 2012, Courtney’s first year of sobriety was focused on one thing: not drinking today. She recognized the danger of trying to overhaul her entire life at once.

“That first year for me was just like, I’m not drinking today, and that is all I’m gonna focus… It’s too much [to take on everything at once].”

This foundational principle is critical for sustainable recovery. It involves:

• White Knuckling: The first two years were admittedly a lot of “white knuckling”—pushing through cravings and discomfort with sheer willpower.
• Holding onto Gratitude: Starting every morning with: “Thank you for another day sober.”
• Radical Self-Care: Allowing herself to “eat cupcakes,” “nap if I need to,” and take time away from the world. This is the opposite of the perfectionism and people-pleasing that often fuel addiction.
• The Ugly Process: Acknowledging the raw, unfiltered emotions that surfaced, including “driving around… like crying and screaming in my car.” This is the natural, messy, and necessary process of feeling the feelings she had been numbing for a decade.

Courtney also made an important distinction about traditional recovery programs: she found the 12 Steps overwhelming initially (“How the hell am I gonna stay sober for 10 years?”). This highlights the importance of finding a recovery path that resonates with the individual’s mental and emotional state at the time, which may not always be a one-size-fits-all approach. For those struggling to find the right fit, it’s important to explore various options and resources. Recovery.com offers tools to filter and find mental health and addiction treatment specific to your needs, including therapy types and levels of care.

6. The Three-Year Blueprint for Rebuilding a Sober Life

After prioritizing sobriety in year one, Courtney built upon that foundation with an intentional, phased approach. Her first year was all about stopping the drinking, focusing only on being sober today, and embracing radical self-care.

In her second year, she moved on to address her physical health, integrating “fitness and nutrition” now that her mind wasn’t clouded by alcohol.

Her third year was dedicated to personal development. This is when she started developing her “morning routine” of meditation and reading and actively returned to therapy to work on underlying emotional issues.

This phased approach prevents burnout and allows the individual to develop self-trust and confidence incrementally. Each day, week, and year sober builds a sense of “I can do hard things,” which replaces the shame and self-hatred of active addiction. This slow but steady process is how you develop the “new version of me.”

7. The Surprise Realizations of Early Sobriety

When asked about the biggest surprises in her first year, Courtney pointed to two major insights:

1. The Overwhelming Surge of Emotion: Addiction is often about numbing. When the substance is removed, all the feelings—past trauma, present anxiety, sudden joy, and crushing guilt—come “to the surface” at once. This is the hardest part, but also the most essential for true healing.
2. The Discovery of Inner Strength: “I’m a lot tougher than I thought… I can do hard things.” The courage it takes to get sober reveals a resilience that was hidden beneath the addiction. This newfound strength becomes the engine for long-term recovery.

8. Nurturing Recovery Long-Term: The Non-Negotiable Routine

Over a decade into sobriety, the work isn’t over—it evolves. Courtney’s continued sobriety relies on awareness and action to avoid becoming “stagnant” in recovery, which she calls “the dangerous thing.”

• Getting Help When Needed: When she developed postpartum OCD after her son’s birth, she immediately went back to therapy, demonstrating that asking for help is a sign of strength, not failure.
• Continuous Self-Regulation: A major challenge, even over a decade later, came in the form of motherhood. “I understand why mom’s drink. I get it. I have been humbled.” In that moment of intense stress, her awareness kicked in.
• The Non-Negotiable Morning Routine: Her established year-three habits became her bedrock: “I had to get back onto my gratitude list, my 10 to 15 minutes of just reading personal development and get back onto my meditation.” Even on vacation, this routine is a non-negotiable tool for grounding herself. “At least I can control this,” she noted.

9. Coaching for the Highly Sensitive and Perfectionist

Courtney’s coaching practice, Sober Vibes, focuses on high-achieving women dealing with gray area drinking. She recognized a pattern: many of the women she works with are empaths and highly sensitive people (HSPs), often with tendencies toward perfectionism and codependency.

• Empathy and Anxiety: Highly sensitive people feel everything deeply, and alcohol becomes a tool to “make it stop.”
• The Codependency Trap: The relentless cycle of people-pleasing and over-booking themselves leads to depletion. “You gotta allow yourself some rest, you have to allow yourself, you time before you give all to others.” This continuous pouring from an empty cup leads to burnout and a “F it, what’s the point?” mindset that drives them back to the bottle.

Her coaching gives these women “permission just to be” and encourages radical rest and boundaries, breaking the cycle of self-sacrificing behavior that underlies their drinking.

10. The Power of Personalization in Healing

Courtney waited six years to become a coach to ensure she had worked through her own codependency and had a solid foundation. Her core philosophy is that “there’s no one way to heal because it’s so personalized. It’s not one size fits all.” This is why she works one-on-one with clients, meeting them where they are and building a bespoke plan based on their unique personality and challenges.