Carrying Emotional Weight: 15 Ways Childhood Trauma Impacts Mental Health

3. Unspoken Pain Becomes Heavy Rocks We Carry

Trina introduces the metaphor of “rocks in a backpack” to describe unprocessed emotional pain.

As she put it:

We have to name that feeling, we have to feel it, and then we have to share it. So name it to tame it, feel it to heal it, and share it to bear it.

Without doing so, those unprocessed emotions become emotional weight we carry indefinitely.

When we don’t do that, we have to carry that rock with us and we put it in our backpack and that backpack doesn’t come off.

4. Children Need Help Completing the “Distress Loop”

Trina gives a heartbreaking example of how her emotional sensitivity was dismissed as a child:

I remember still crying in my bedroom. So my distress system was activated. And my dad walked by and said, “What are you crying about?” you know, in his gruff voice.

She described what might have helped in that moment:

Had he come in and hugged me and said, you know what, you’re such a good friend to feel that way for Carrie… What do you need? What can I do for you? I would have been able to put that rock down.

5. Suppression Becomes Survival, but at a Cost

As a child, Trina learned to suppress her feelings for survival.

She reflected:

I very quickly armored up because that’s what you do to survive. And that armor became suppressing what I was feeling, suppressing who I thought I was.

That armor protected her temporarily but prevented emotional development.

6. Depression Often Begins with Accumulated Emotional Neglect

Trina experienced depression and anxiety from a young age.

She explained:

By 14, high anxiety and high depression. And it was about two years before I turned 16 where I started to have suicidal thoughts because… that backpack was heavy.

Without skills, support, or safe relationships, her emotional pain escalated.

7. Connection Can Be Life-Saving

Trina’s turning point came when her mom found her a psychologist.

As she gratefully recalled:

She changed my life. She was the first person that made me feel seen, heard, understood, and empowered… She just held safe space for the first time where I could start to pull those rocks out, feel them, name them, share them, and put them down.

8. Healing Is a Lifelong—but Worthwhile—Process

Trina has continued her healing journey well into adulthood.

She shared:

I’m 52 this year and I’m still on my healing journey. So… between today and that day that I met Joan, it’s been messy.

Despite the messiness, she also acknowledged the beauty of healing:

It’s been a messy transition, but also beautiful in so many ways.

9. Post-Traumatic Growth Is Possible—But Not Guaranteed

Trina highlighted that while resilience is important, growth after trauma is another level.

She said:

Post-trauma growth… that’s the ability to kind of reflect and go, this was my learning. This was my growth in those experiences. I’m actually a better person for those.

That healing led her to help others as a social worker, writer, and advocate.

10. Healing Doesn’t Happen Alone

Trina emphasized the importance of reaching out:

Healing is possible, but it’s not possible alone. We have to heal in connection to something bigger than ourselves, something outside of ourselves.

She encouraged listeners to take a chance and ask for help:

Please, please, please reach out. Take that risk. Reach out.

11. Adults Must Admit When They Don’t Have the Tools

Terry and Carly reflected on parenting and the need to recognize personal limitations.

As Terry eloquently put it:

You were my first child and, you know, I hadn’t done it before… So I think that I was, I was grateful to have that option to say, I’m going to connect you with your school counselor.

Carly added an important insight:

The powerful move being, the strong move being, the healthy adult move being to be like, honey, I don’t know. Let’s figure it out.

12. Pain That Isn’t Validated Becomes Physical

Children often express emotional pain through their bodies.

As Carly explained:

We call it somatization, which is basically that brain thoughts that hurt, they turn into body hurts.

She referenced the artist Karuk and how their song captures the link between emotional distress and physical symptoms:

Their mom didn’t know how to speak with them about what they were feeling, but did know how to give Pepto-Bismol to treat the stomach symptoms.

13. Even Failed Attempts at Support Matter

Trying to help, even imperfectly, can still be meaningful.

As Carly pointed out:

Kids are checking for that attempt. Are you even trying to help me?

Even if the support isn’t perfect, the act of showing up can be powerful.

14. A Child’s Pain Needs More Than One Caring Adult

Carly emphasized the importance of a support network:

In terms of childhood trauma, they say that it’s two or more consistent caring adults that are actually able to buffer the impact of childhood trauma.

That safety net can dramatically reduce the long-term impact of distress.

15. We Must Normalize Mental Health Support

Terry made a key point about destigmatizing therapy:

If something’s wrong with your teeth, I’ll bring it to a tooth doctor. If something’s up with your feelings, I’m going to bring you to a feeling doctor.

Normalizing mental health care helps children understand that support is always an option.

Final Thoughts: Let’s Teach Children to Put the Rocks Down

Trina’s story is one of unacknowledged pain, emotional suppression, and eventual healing through connection and safe spaces. It challenges the belief that we must endure our pain alone and invites us to become more aware of how we respond to the suffering of others—especially children. Her reflections remind us that healing doesn’t happen in isolation and that seemingly small moments of connection can change the trajectory of a person’s life.

Her insights serve as a reminder to all of us:

• Emotional pain needs validation
• Trauma isn’t weakness—it’s a natural response to unmet needs
• Children and adults alike need people who can simply listen without judgment

We cannot always prevent pain, but we can help each other carry it. Healing doesn’t require fixing someone; it begins by offering presence, empathy, and safety. As Trina modeled, it starts with creating spaces where others can feel seen, heard, and understood.

For anyone struggling to carry what they cannot name: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. And you are not alone.

Key Takeaways

• Trauma is subjective: It’s not about what happened—it’s about how it felt, and how it shaped you.
• Validation matters: Being heard and believed is a cornerstone of healing.
• Safe relationships heal: Finding someone who can sit with your pain is more powerful than advice or solutions.
• Children need co-regulation: Adults must help children navigate emotions they can’t process alone.
• Suppression creates long-term harm: Emotional avoidance in childhood can become depression in adulthood.
• Support doesn’t need to be perfect: Effort, presence, and honesty go a long way.
• Healing is non-linear: There is no quick fix. But with support, growth is possible.
• Mental health care should be normalized: Therapy is a tool, not a sign of failure.