How to Ask for Help with Depression: 9 Ways to Find Support, Therapy, and Hope

ShannyPants built a massive online following by making people laugh. Known for her humor, honesty, and relatable social media content, the Instagram creator now reaches hundreds of thousands of people.

Behind the energetic personality and sarcasm, however, Shannon was living with depression—largely without telling the people closest to her what she was experiencing.

This article summarizes a conversation from the Giving Voice to Depression podcast, hosted by Terry McGuire. Shannon, better known online as ShannyPants, shared how asking for help, accepting support, attending therapy, and talking openly about depression helped her begin building a healthier life.

Her experience offers an important reminder: needing help is not a personal failure. It is part of being human.

1. Recognize Depression Needs Attention

For many years, Shannon assumed everyone felt the way she did. She believed she simply needed to become tougher, push through her feelings, and continue handling everything herself.

Eventually, she realized that what she was experiencing deserved attention.

As Shannon explained:

Not everyone does feel this way. This is something that I need to handle and deal with and not pretend like it’s nothing because it definitely is.

Depression can become so familiar that a person begins to mistake it for their personality or an unavoidable part of life. They may dismiss their exhaustion, isolation, hopelessness, irritability, or physical heaviness because they have lived with those feelings for so long.

Recognizing depression as a real condition can be an essential first step. It allows someone to move from “I should be able to handle this” toward “I deserve support for this.”

2. Tell Someone What Is Happening

Depression often encourages secrecy. It tells people that no one will understand, that their problems are not serious enough, or that talking will only make them a burden.

Shannon spent many difficult periods trying to manage alone. Once she began discussing her mental health publicly, she discovered that openness could be therapeutic—not only for her, but also for the people who recognized themselves in her story.

Shannon shared:

It is healing to talk about it as a normal thing. You’re not the only person that feels this way.

Talking about depression does not require sharing personal details with hundreds of thousands of followers. It might mean speaking honestly with:

• A trusted friend
• A spouse or partner
• A family member
• A primary care doctor
• A therapist
• A support-group leader
• A spiritual adviser
• Another safe person

The first conversation does not need to be perfect. A simple statement such as “I have not been feeling like myself, and I think I need some support” can begin opening the door.

3. Ask for Help Despite Discomfort

Asking for help was one of the most significant changes Shannon made. She had long identified as the person who could do everything herself, even when taking on too much intensified her stress, anxiety, and depression.

Shannon described that shift:

For me, one of the biggest things that has helped is asking for help and accepting help, because I’ve never been that type of person.

Depression can make ordinary responsibilities feel impossibly heavy. Asking for help might involve major emotional support, but it can also involve practical assistance.

Someone might ask another person to:

• Drive the children to school
• Prepare a meal
• Help with household responsibilities
• Sit with them during a difficult evening
• Accompany them to an appointment
• Check in by phone or text
• Take a walk with them
• Help research treatment options

Accepting that assistance may feel humbling, especially for someone accustomed to being independent. But needing help does not erase a person’s competence or strength.

As Terry McGuire thoughtfully put it:

Depression is heavy, and sometimes we need help.

People ask for assistance when moving a heavy couch because some burdens are difficult to carry alone. Depression deserves the same honesty and practical support.

4. Challenge Fears of Being Burdensome

One of the cruelest messages depression can send is that other people do not care—or that they would care less if they knew the truth.

Shannon understands how convincing that belief can feel. Still, she encouraged people to reach out despite the vulnerability involved.

Shannon emphasized:

Ask for help, even if it’s hard, because it’s worth it. And there’s people out there that care.

Not every person will respond skillfully. Someone may minimize the experience, offer unhelpful advice, become uncomfortable, or fail to understand the seriousness of what is being shared.

That response can hurt, but it does not prove that asking was a mistake. It may simply mean that another person—or another form of support—is needed.

As Bridget wisely reminded listeners:

Sometimes the first person we ask didn’t respond in a way that we found helpful. So we have to find the courage to ask in another way or to a different person.

The next step may be to ask differently, ask someone else, or keep searching until genuine support is found.

5. Share Your Depression Warning Signs

As Shannon became more open, her close friends learned to recognize subtle changes in her behavior. They began noticing when she seemed withdrawn or unlike herself.

A friend might ask whether she wanted to talk or suggest taking a walk. These small invitations helped interrupt the isolation that often accompanied her depression.

Shannon described the support she began receiving:

It’s good to have these really close friends that I have now that will reach out to me and say, “Hey, you seemed a little off. How are you doing today? Wanna go for a walk?”

This kind of support can be especially valuable because depression sometimes makes initiating contact feel impossible. A trusted person who recognizes the warning signs can reach out before someone becomes completely disconnected.

People living with depression can help their support network by explaining:

• What withdrawal looks like for them
• How their communication changes
• Which responsibilities become harder
• What kind of contact feels supportive
• What comments are unhelpful
• Whether they prefer conversation, companionship, or practical assistance

A support plan does not need to be formal. It can simply give loved ones permission to say, “You seem a little off today. How are you really doing?”

6. Practice Honesty With Your Partner

Shannon had also hidden her depression from her husband. She wanted to appear like the perfect wife and strong woman who could handle anything.

Over time, she began communicating more directly. Instead of pretending she was fine, she might text him and explain that she was having a difficult day, needed him home earlier, or needed help caring for the children.

Shannon explained how that communication changed:

I’ll text him and say, “Hey, I’m having a really rough day. Can you get home a little early and get the kids out of the house? I need more alone time. I can’t handle it.”

Her husband was happy to support her—but he could not fully understand what she needed until she expressed it.

Helpful requests to a partner might sound like:

• “I am having a rough day and need some quiet.”
• “Could you handle dinner tonight?”
• “I do not need advice, but I could use some company.”
• “I am starting to isolate. Can we take a walk?”
• “I need help making a doctor’s appointment.”

These conversations can take practice. Shannon emphasized that her progress occurred gradually over approximately two years. Healing was not an immediate transformation but an ongoing process of becoming more honest.

7. Use Therapy Before Reaching Crisis

Before the pandemic, Shannon tended to schedule therapy when she was already falling apart. Later, when her finances allowed, she began attending more regularly.

Consistent therapy gave her an opportunity to build a relationship with someone who understood her history, patterns, struggles, and progress. Instead of addressing only emergencies, she could work on deeper issues over time.

Shannon described the value of having a therapist who knew her story:

She’s amazing and knows my entire story. So that’s been huge.

Therapy may help a person:

1. Identify triggers and warning signs
2. Understand how past experiences affect the present
3. Develop healthier coping strategies
4. Challenge harmful beliefs
5. Improve communication
6. Process grief or trauma
7. Create a plan for future depressive episodes

Finding the right therapist may take time. Financial limitations, availability, insurance restrictions, transportation, and other barriers can also make treatment difficult.

Those challenges are real. They do not mean someone has failed at getting help.

8. Explore Different Mental Health Treatments

At her therapist’s suggestion, Shannon tried Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, commonly called EMDR. She entered the session skeptical but described feeling surprised by her response.

During the session, she focused on a traumatic memory that had left her feeling “stupid.” She later practiced connecting the experience with a different view of herself: smart, capable, able, and strong.

Afterward, Shannon felt that the memory no longer triggered the same emotional reaction.

Shannon recalled:

Before when I’ve thought about it, it makes me feel icky inside. Where now, the last couple days, I’ll think about it and be like, okay, it’s not bothering me.

Shannon was describing her individual experience, not promising that EMDR will produce the same results for everyone. Responses to therapy vary depending on the person, condition, clinician, treatment approach, and many other factors.

Her story instead demonstrates the value of staying curious. When one treatment is unavailable, ineffective, or incomplete, another approach may be worth discussing with a qualified professional.

9. Find Affordable Sources of Support

Shannon also acknowledged that regular therapy was not always financially possible for her. During those times, podcasts became one of her most meaningful resources.

Hearing other people describe familiar feelings reminded her that she was not uniquely broken or alone.

As Shannon explained:

You listen to one episode and you’re like, “Oh, okay, I’m not alone,” because there’s two people in that episode that have similar feelings and deal with similar things.

Podcasts, books, peer-support communities, educational programs, and free mental health resources are not necessarily replacements for professional treatment. They can, however, provide language, understanding, encouragement, and connection.

A person searching for support might explore:

• Mental health podcasts
• Community support groups
• Nonprofit organizations
• Sliding-scale counseling services
• Employee assistance programs
• University or training clinics
• Library books and audiobooks
• Reputable online educational resources

The goal is not to find every possible tool. It is to find one useful next step.

Asking for Help Takes Real Courage

Shannon’s online audience initially grew because people connected with her humor. Many later connected just as deeply with her willingness to reveal the depression behind that humor.

Her experience shows that someone can appear outgoing, funny, capable, and successful while privately struggling. It also shows that healing does not require abandoning strength. Sometimes strength means letting other people see that support is needed.

As Terry eloquently reframed it:

It is not easy to ask for help, but it is also not easy to live with depression. And sometimes you just can’t do it alone.

Asking for help may feel frightening. The first response may not be the right one, the first therapist may not be the right fit, and the first coping tool may not provide enough relief.

Still, the search is worth continuing.

Depression thrives in isolation. Honest conversation, supportive relationships, appropriate treatment, and compassionate resources can begin loosening its grip.

No one should have to carry something so heavy entirely alone.