All-or-Nothing Thinking: 10 Signs Your Self-Talk Is Fueling Depression

This article is a summary of a conversation on the Giving Voice to Depression podcast hosted by Terry McGuire. In this episode, Terry and Bridget revisit a fascinating and powerful discussion about the words we use—how they can offer clues to our mental state, especially depression, and how they might actually contribute to it.

With expert insight from Dr. Mohammed Al-Masawi, a psychologist specializing in the language of mental health, and data from the Crisis Text Line’s analysis of millions of messages, this episode breaks down how language patterns—especially absolutist thinking—are more than just semantics. They can reveal vulnerabilities, signal suicidal ideation, and even offer a starting point for healing.

Here are 10+ key takeaways from the episode about how the language of depression can help us understand and manage mental health challenges:

1. Words Can Signal Suicidal Risk—Even Before It’s Obvious

A recent report by the Crisis Text Line, a U.S.-based suicide prevention service, used AI and data science to identify the words most commonly used by people at high risk of suicide.

Surprisingly, it’s not words like help, sad, or desperate. Instead, it’s references to methods—like “Excedrin,” “ibuprofen,” “acetaminophen,” or even just 💊, the pill emoji.

As Terry explained:

Their counselors use these words to prioritize 86% of the highest-risk texters—moving them to the front of the line, like triage in an ER.

The insight? The how someone says something may be just as important as what they say. Paying attention to language—especially from younger people who are the primary users of services like the Crisis Text Line—can literally save lives.

2. Depression Changes More Than Mood—It Changes Language

From speech to writing, depression leaves a linguistic footprint. Dr. Mohammed Al-Masawi, or “Dr. Mo,” has studied thousands of online forum posts to identify patterns in how people with depression communicate.

He found that people with depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideation use absolutist words far more frequently than those without.

As Dr. Mo shared:

Depressed people use absolutist words like ‘completely,’ ‘always,’ ‘never’—about 50% more than non-depressed controls. For suicidal ideation, it jumps to 80%.

These aren’t just vocabulary quirks. They reflect a rigid, all-or-nothing mindset—a mental trap that deepens suffering and makes hope hard to access.

3. Absolutist Thinking: The Most Telling Cognitive Distortion

Absolutist language reveals a deeper cognitive distortion: all-or-nothing thinking. This pattern leaves no room for nuance, improvement, or possibility. Common absolutist words include:

• always
• never
• every
• completely
• nothing
• constantly

Bridget shared:

There’s a hardness and a rigidity and a negativity to them that’s just: absolutist.

While many people experience self-critical thoughts, it’s the rigid absolutes that suggest something more serious—and more treatable.

4. Process vs. Content: What We Say Matters Less Than How We Say It

Traditional mental health treatment often focuses on the content of our thoughts—what we’re thinking about. But Dr. Mo’s research suggests we should also focus on the style of our thinking.

As Dr. Mo explained:

We focus too much on negative thinking—the content. But it’s the style, the process, that can be more revealing. The chief distortion is absolutist thinking.

Someone might say, “I’ll never feel better,” or “I’m always the problem.” That style—those absolutes—can indicate not just a bad day, but depression itself.

5. Challenging Absolutes: The First Step Toward Healthier Thinking

One of the most powerful tools for managing depression is learning to challenge absolutist thoughts.

When someone says, “I’m always alone,” a therapist—or even a friend—can gently ask:

• “Are you always alone?”
• “Have you truly never not been alone?”
• “Can you think of a time when you weren’t?”

Dr. Mo described the approach this way:

As soon as you find one chink in the absolutism, you break it. And when you break absolutism, their thinking becomes more flexible.

Even a small crack in rigid thinking can let hope in.

6. This Isn’t a Quick Fix—But It’s a Practice That Works

Changing deeply ingrained thinking takes time. People struggling with depression may have been using absolute self-judgments for decades.

As Dr. Mo clarified:

That cognitive pattern has taken a long time to build. So it takes time to remove. It’s not a case of, ‘You’re right, I’ll think differently now.’

Still, regular practice—especially when not in the midst of a depressive episode—can help rewire mental habits.

7. Build the Habit When You’re Well

Terry raised an important point: When someone is in the depths of depression, they may not have the clarity or energy to challenge their thoughts.

As Terry insightfully pointed out:

I’m not sure that somebody in depression has the clarity or the distance to question their thinking.

That’s why this tool—questioning and breaking absolutist thinking—needs to be developed when you’re doing well.

Think of it as:

• Mental strength training
• A coping skill to keep in your emotional toolbox
• Homework that protects against relapse

Bridget reflected on her new awareness:

Now I have a new word. I’m getting pretty negative—and absolutist.

Self-awareness is the first step toward self-compassion.

8. Identifying Your Own Absolutist Triggers

Not everyone’s absolutist thinking looks the same. For some, it’s about failure; for others, it’s about worth or relationships.

Common personalized absolutes include:

• “I’ll never get this right.”
• “Nobody cares about me.”
• “I must always be in control.”
• “People must respect me.”

Dr. Mo explained how different mental health challenges relate to different rigid demands:

Each one has its own absolutist thought. Each one has a different pathology associated with it.

Knowing your triggers helps you intercept the spiral before it deepens.

9. Absolutist Thinking Isn’t Rational—And That’s the Point

One of the most useful reminders from this episode is that absolutist thinking doesn’t reflect reality. There are no perfect failures, no constant states of despair. Emotions and experiences shift.

As Dr. Mo emphasized:

There are no absolutes in the world. Nobody gets everything wrong. Nobody is always a loser.

That reminder might not “fix” depression—but it does challenge the distorted lens that depression forces over our eyes.

10. Language Awareness Helps Us Help Others, Too

Even if you’re not struggling with depression yourself, you might be in a position to notice these patterns in someone else.

Learning to listen for:

• Absolutist language
• Rigid thought patterns
• Hopeless or binary self-talk

…can help you gently intervene.

As Terry eloquently put it:

The more we can identify those patterns in ourselves or others, the more we can bring flexibility—and light—into a mind that feels stuck in the dark.

Supporting someone in this way isn’t about fixing them. It’s about noticing, listening, and lovingly challenging the thoughts that depression plants.

Final Thoughts: Rewriting Our Internal Narrative

The language of depression isn’t just something that appears in journal entries or late-night texts. It often becomes the internal soundtrack that plays beneath our daily lives. If that soundtrack repeats “I’m always alone” or “Nothing ever works out,” it’s no wonder hope feels hard to hold.

But we are not doomed to live with the same script forever.

Absolutist thinking can be rewritten—but it requires us to pause, listen, and challenge. The beauty of recognizing this distortion is that it gives us a place to start. And that starting point can become a turning point.

Terry and Bridget’s open conversation, combined with Dr. Mo’s research, highlights a vital truth: we are not our thoughts. We are the ones who can observe them, question them, and—little by little—change them.

In a world that’s often loud with demands and pressure, we can choose softer, truer words. Words that allow room for growth, nuance, and healing. Words that say: maybe. Sometimes. I’m working on it. I’m not alone.

That shift in vocabulary might seem small, but it’s a powerful act of resistance against the lies that depression tells.

Key Takeaways

• Words Matter: The Crisis Text Line’s data shows that words like “Excedrin” and the 💊 emoji are more predictive of suicidal risk than “help” or “sad.”
• Absolutist Thinking Is a Red Flag: Words like always, never, and nothing appear significantly more in the language of those experiencing depression.
• Focus on the Process: It’s not just what someone says, but how they say it that reveals mental health struggles.
• Challenge the Thought, Not the Person: Breaking absolutist thinking involves identifying and gently questioning the rigid belief behind it.
• Build the Habit When You’re Well: Developing the ability to notice and challenge harmful thought patterns is most effective when you’re not in crisis.
• Tailor the Tool to the Person: Absolutist beliefs differ—what triggers one person’s anxiety might not apply to another. Personal insight is essential.
• Absolutist Thinking Lacks Logic: Recognizing that nobody is “always” or “never” anything can help bring perspective to a depressed mind.
• Support Others with Language Awareness: Listening for cognitive distortions in others’ speech can be a subtle but powerful way to offer help.
• Healing Takes Time: This is not a “flip the switch” solution. But it is a practice that can shift how we see ourselves and the world.