5 Things to Consider When Choosing an AA Sponsor

Who would make a good sponsor for you? How can you tell? What can you do to find out?

These are all great questions to ask. Finding the right sponsor can be a key part of your recovery process, so you’ll want to take some time and make the best choice for your sobriety.

This page details five things to consider when choosing a sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Picking the Right Sponsor

When the time comes, the following are important factors you’ll want to consider when choosing your AA sponsor.

1. Gender

For men and women in early recovery, getting into a new romantic relationship typically isn't recommended, at least for the first year. The reasoning behind this guideline is simple: you’ll have enough going on as you adjust and work to maintain your sobriety after treatment.

Combining the emotional ups and downs of a new relationship with recovery can quickly create triggers and increase the risk of relapse. That’s why AA often recommends choosing a sponsor of your own gender. This can help keep your focus exactly where it needs to be—on recovery.

2. Key Qualifications

When you’re looking for an AA sponsor, it helps to write down a few questions before you speak to potential candidates. Can a potential sponsor answer “yes” to the following?

• Have you worked the 12 Steps?
• Do you have a sponsor?
• Does your sponsor allow you to sponsor?

If they answer “no” to any of these three questions, they’re probably not the sponsor you’re looking for right now.

For someone to sponsor you, they need to have worked the steps themselves. If they don’t have a sponsor or their sponsor doesn’t recommend sponsoring others, there may be things going on behind the scenes that could inhibit the relationship.

3. Personality

Here are two sponsor personality factors you’ll want to consider:

Are they enjoying life in recovery? A good sponsor experiences laughter and enjoyment in life. It’s not all sunshine, but some joy should be present. Do they smile? Laugh?

If possible, spend time with them outside of meetings. You might even visit them at home. Seeing what they’re like with their family can give you a better idea of what things are really like, and whether they could be a good sponsor.

Can you relate to them? Perhaps surprisingly, it’s actually okay if you can’t. You don’t always need a sponsor you can completely relate to—you need someone who has gotten past where you are. It’s hard for someone to help you get to the other side if they’ve never left your shore.

4. Number of Sponsees

How many sponsees does your potential sponsor already have? If they have several, that may indicate they’re a good sponsor. However, too many sponsees can spread them thin and make the relationship less effective.

That’s not to say you need a sponsor who pledges to be available to you and only you 24 hours a day, focusing every ounce of their time on your sobriety. Those are promises no one can humanly keep. However, you do want to discuss your potential sponsor’s realistic availability and set up clear communication ground rules.

5. Service Involvement

Is this person going out of their way for others? Are they welcoming to newcomers? Do they volunteer in any way?

Someone active in service work is often good sponsor material. Giving back and helping others can provide people in recovery with a sense of peace and purpose—something that may have been missing during active addiction.

If your potential sponsor truly enjoys helping others succeed in sobriety, that’s a good sign.

Ultimately, there are no hard-and-fast rules to sponsorship. Every person and situation is unique. However, considering these key factors can help provide a solid and stable foundation as you choose an AA sponsor.

Take the Next Step in Your Recovery

If you’re looking for additional support beyond meetings, treatment can help you build a stronger foundation for long-term recovery. Recovery.com makes it easy to find alcohol addiction treatment programs that match your needs, whether you’re looking for detox, residential care, outpatient programs, or specialized support. Explore options, compare providers, and take the next step with confidence.