Why Self-Care Is Essential for Parents of Children With Addiction

Whenever I talk to parents of a child struggling with addiction, I tell them that taking care of themselves is just as important as taking care of their child. In fact, it may be more important.

Sometimes this advice is met with funny looks or skepticism. But for parents of a child in the throes of addiction, self-care is essential, even when it goes against our parental instincts.

The Overwhelming Role of a Caretaker

As parents, our brains are programmed to do whatever we can to protect our children. We get used to being in control of their lives. From the moment they’re born, we are their guardians, which means doing everything in our power to keep them safe.

Whether it’s checking for monsters under the bed or putting Band-Aids on freshly skinned knees, we take care of things. Over time, we also become experts at fixing situations in an effort to make our kids’ lives better.

Unfortunately, addiction is one situation that parents can’t fix—no matter how much we want to.

Learning to Refocus

Al‑Anon captures this reality perfectly with the “Three Cs.” We didn’t cause our child’s addiction; we can’t cure it; and we certainly can’t control it. Only the person living with the disease can do that.

When we try to defy that truth, we end up spinning our wheels and making ourselves sick. We exhaust ourselves fighting a battle we can’t win—and we forget to take care of ourselves in the process.

Trust me, I know.

Early on in my son’s struggle with addiction, I did not take care of myself. I was completely consumed by his challenges, and my entire life revolved around his well-being. I put his needs ahead of my own, believing his health and happiness mattered more than mine. As a father, my instincts told me to help him now and help myself later. Anything else felt negligent. But that mindset turned out to be the worst possible strategy—for me and for the rest of my family.

As a father, my instincts told me to help him now, help myself later. I believed doing anything different would border on negligence. But that was the worst possible strategy, both for me and for the rest of my family.

The Disastrous Results of Ignoring Self-Care

The results were disastrous. I lived in constant panic mode. I spent most of my waking hours worried and frustrated, with helplessness as my constant companion. I couldn’t sleep. My relationships began to fall apart, and my health suffered as well.

All of this happened because my happiness and outlook on life became completely dependent on my son’s choices and actions. I was lost in the chaos, and it lasted for years.

In reality, parents need to be strong for their child—and that strength comes from taking care of ourselves. Getting proper sleep, eating well, exercising, socializing, and continuing to experience joy in life are not luxuries. They are necessities.

It can be a difficult concept to accept, but if we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we expect to help our child?

In Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change, self-care is summed up beautifully:

Grab an Oxygen Mask, Take a Deep Breath

To help illustrate how vital self-care is, I often use the airplane oxygen mask analogy. Before takeoff, flight attendants instruct you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping anyone else.

Why? Because if you’re not breathing, you won’t be able to help anyone. In the end, everyone suffers.

Self-care is your oxygen mask. By giving yourself the love, attention, and respect you deserve, you give yourself the oxygen you need to keep going. This puts you in the best possible position to support your loved one when they need it most—clear‑headed, grounded, and emotionally available.

Coming Full Circle

Eventually, I saw the light.

As David Sheff writes in Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction, “I finally chose life for myself.”

When I did, everything in my world began to improve, including my relationship with my son. Taking care of myself didn’t mean I stopped caring about him. It meant I started caring about myself, too. I realized that when someone struggles with addiction, they’re not the only one who needs healing—because addiction affects the entire family.

I began therapy. I attended support groups. I read self‑help books, ate healthier, and even bought myself a bike so I could exercise regularly. My self‑care and recovery plan was truly liberating.

As a parent, realizing that your life matters just as much as your child’s may be one of the hardest lessons you’ll ever learn. Some parents never fully accept that self-care should be at the top of their to‑do list when their child is struggling. It took me time, but I’m grateful I finally embraced it. I honestly don’t know if I’d be here today if I hadn’t.

If your child’s addiction is taking a toll on your life, do yourself a favor and start taking better care of yourself. Make you the top priority. It may sound selfish. It may even sound crazy. But take it from someone who was once deeply skeptical—it can change your life for the better. And you deserve that.

Find Treatment Centers With Recovery.com

If your child is struggling and you’re looking for support, Recovery.com can help you take the next step. Use our trusted platform to find drug and alcohol treatment centers that meet your family’s needs, compare programs, and explore recovery options with confidence. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone—support and hope are within reach.