Who Are You, Anyway? The Changing Perceptions of Yourself During Recovery

Who do you think you are? How do you see yourself? What fundamental beliefs do you hold about yourself at your deepest, core level?

These are not idle questions, nor are they merely philosophical musings. Your answers are fundamental to your success—or failure—in recovery.

Carl Rogers, the famous humanistic psychologist, believed that an individual’s experience of their core inner self was the most important element for personal change and growth. He believed that all motivation came from one’s interest in serving the needs of the inner self.

For people with addiction, sadly, there is often a negative rather than a positive view of their true, inner selves. The late John Bradshaw, a renowned addiction expert, felt that deeply held feelings of shame and guilt were core factors that led to addictive behaviors.

In his book Healing the Shame That Binds You, Bradshaw says, "a person with internalized shame believes he is inherently flawed, inferior, and defective. Such a feeling is so painful that defensive scripts (or strategies) are developed to cover it up. These scripts are the roots of violence, criminality, war, and all forms of addiction."

Aldous Huxley, in his 1954 book Doors of Perception, said that people use drugs as "chemical vacations from intolerable selfhood."

Changing Perceptions of One’s Self Throughout Recovery

People who struggle with addiction often hold painful, shameful, or guilt-provoking beliefs about themselves. The real work of recovery comes not from simply managing to stop substance use, but from overcoming the self-defeating, painful (and usually inauthentic) negative self-beliefs that underlie that substance use.

The greater goal is to create new, more positive perceptions of one’s true, innermost self. People often use lies, distortions, and excuses to deflect the truth because they fear that the truth will reinforce negative aspects of themselves and their personalities. They may lie to cover up or diminish the extent of their substance use, or to avoid recognizing the negative impact their actions have on friends and family.

Over time, lies, omissions, and deception negatively influence the addict’s self-perceptions, strengthening the cycle of lying, guilt, and shame.

But in recovery, honesty is stressed and promoted. The recovering person is given both the opportunity and motivation to relinquish self-deceptions, lies, and deceit.

12-Step programs and other types of recovery support address the underlying fears that often hold people hostage to negative self-perceptions. Fears of losing what they value and receive from substance use—relief from difficult emotions, or pleasurable brain stimulation—can keep people from fully embracing recovery.

Yet once accepted, the recovery process can begin to dismantle stubborn negative self-perceptions and lead to true self-acceptance and freedom from the tyranny of drugs or alcohol.

The Truth Will Set You Free

The first step in changing negative self-perceptions and self-beliefs is to embrace honesty where no distortions, minimizations, or half-truths obscure the reality of one’s situation.

One of the reasons 12-Step programs work for so many people is that they provide a place where a person can be radically honest and share embarrassing secrets without fear of judgment or ridicule.

Becoming honest with oneself is the first important step on the road to recovery. As you become more honest and real, you will find that your perceptions of yourself and your actions begin to change. You begin to see yourself as someone capable of being an honorable person.

This is a huge turnaround from seeing yourself as flawed or defective. And it is this change in self-perception that motivates someone to continue the work of recovery.

As you move forward, you begin to rewrite the internal mental “script” you use to define yourself. With each success, each positive change in behavior, and each life-affirming (rather than self-destructive) choice, you build a new, more positive belief system.

You slowly move from seeing yourself as a person capable of making positive changes to someone who is actively making them. At this stage, the support of peers who understand your journey is extremely helpful.

Finally, with continued commitment and support, you arrive at the goal: a new, positive, and empowered view of yourself. You begin to see yourself as a person who no longer needs to hide any aspect of your life, or use substances to avoid shame, guilt, or painful self-judgment.

Tips for Gaining Self-Awareness and Changing Self-Perception

1. Change Your Story

Your perception of yourself comes from the story you tell yourself about yourself. Consider the major circumstances that shaped your life and reflect on how those experiences made you feel about who you are.

Often, it's the meaning you made about yourself because of a situation—rather than the situation itself—that impacts you today.

For example, if you experienced trauma, you may have felt victimized and powerless. But with today’s perspective, you may be able to see that the experience also made you more resourceful, resilient, and empathetic.

Focusing on this viewpoint can move you toward your goal of changing your self-perception. You can begin to view yourself not as a victim, but as an empowered person who has gained strength and resiliency by overcoming great difficulty.

2. Seek Honest Feedback From Appropriate Sources

Others often act as mirrors for us. Don’t assume that people see you as flawed, defective, or hopeless. Ask trusted friends, people in your support network, and/or a therapist or counselor to give you honest feedback about what they see in you, and any areas where you might grow.

By seeking feedback from people who care about your success, you can feel more confident that their insights are valid. Take time to reflect on what you hear and evaluate it honestly, rather than reacting impulsively.

Feedback can trigger defensiveness, but remembering its purpose—to guide rather than demean—can help you stay open. With reflection, you may discover the exact issues that are most relevant to your growth, along with strategies that can support the positive changes you desire.

You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck in the Same Story

With the right support, self-honesty and self-acceptance are possible. If you're ready to take the next step in your healing journey, we can help. Use Recovery.com to find and compare treatment centers near you and connect with the right support today.