It’s beginning to look a lot like…the holidays. For those of us in or seeking addiction and mental health recovery, this time of year can bring up fond memories and important reminders of why we want to be sober.

This time of year, however, can also bring up family drama, unresolved trauma, and a whole host of triggers that can make November through the first of the year feel almost unbearable.

The holiday season is a time for joy, connection, and celebration. For many of us in recovery, it can also trigger anxiety, emotional strain, and even the urge to revert to old coping mechanisms. Family dynamics, past memories, and the social pressures of the season can become overwhelming, especially when recovery feels fragile or uncertain.

The good news is that while you can’t control the actions of others or the triggers that may surface, you have complete control over how you respond. There are things that we can do to not only set healthy boundaries but also protect our recovery in a way that promotes inner peace and well-being during the entire year, not just 

when… the weather outside is frightful.

Understand Your Triggers

Just like recovery can be a unique, individualized process, so too are the triggers or challenges that may come. These can be different and can include things that might seem obvious: going to a bar, a favorite liquor store or dealer’s house, or another person, place, or thing that is associated with our using days.

Triggers can also be unexpected, such as a smell, taste, or song. Sometimes, painful memories or temptations surface when we least expect them, in the most unsuspecting ways.

The holidays can also bring a sense of nostalgia for many of us surrounding our substance use. Family gatherings can be like a boxing ring with tensions high, old patterns surfacing, and even substances like alcohol present that offer an easy “out” for those uncomfortable feelings and emotions.

Especially when our loved ones don’t understand what recovery is or if they struggle with their own substance use challenges.

For some of us in recovery, triggers might include:

Unhealthy family dynamics: Loved ones who don’t understand our journey, or speak and act in stigmatizing or exclusionary ways may unintentionally (or intentionally) bring up uncomfortable, hurtful things like past behavior. You may even have to dodge offers for a drink or another substance.

Holiday expectations: Think Clark Griswold from one of my all-time favorite Christmas movies. The pressure to recreate the perfect holiday season may amplify tensions, feelings of stress and guilt, or even loneliness, which can wreak havoc with our mental health, which might already feel fragile.

Old traditions: One of my favorite past traditions around the holidays was isolating. I would show up for the meal and then bolt as soon as I could. Whether it’s binge eating, drinking, or other “old traditions” that may be tough to let go of, what is easy or comfortable can feel tempting when we are navigating the stress of the season.

Acknowledging, understanding, and being on guard against these triggers is the first step in being mindful of holidays in recovery. Whether you have a tough time believing it yet or not, the holidays don’t have to be a season of stress—they can become a time for deepening your self-awareness and nurturing your recovery.

Practice Boundary Setting

At its core, setting boundaries is about protecting our space. Our hearts, minds, physical selves, and spirits. 

Boundaries are about recognizing what feels safe for us and taking action (even when it’s tough) to ensure our well-being is prioritized and respected. When we think of boundaries, we often think of them as walls, but in reality, they’re more like shields that allow us to continue living and engaging with the world, but on our own terms.

Healthy boundaries let you engage in the holidays without compromising your values, your recovery, or your peace of mind. They aren’t about creating conflict, instead they are about protecting our peace, mental health, recovery. 

So how can we create boundaries with intention this holiday season?

Say “No” with Love

Boundaries also involve the art of saying no. It’s easy to feel guilty or pressured into attending every event or meeting every expectation, but the truth is, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace. Saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s a form of self-care.

If a holiday gathering feels overwhelming, it’s okay to skip it. You don’t need to be everywhere or do everything. 

It might sound silly, but you can practice saying no. Sometimes this means sending a text instead of calling so that you can firmly state your “no” without anyone trying to argue or dissuade you. 

What matters is that you’re being true to your values and protecting your recovery. 

If someone does pressure you, or pushes back on the boundary you set, you can still respond in a kind, but firm way: 

“I’m choosing to rest tonight, but I appreciate the invite.”

“This doesn’t work for me today. Let’s get together for lunch another time.”

“Right now, I’m not able to attend. Thanks for offering.”

Remember, you can say no with love. A friend once told me that most people aren’t concerned about you, they are more concerned about themselves. We are also not responsible for other people’s feelings or expectations. We can control what we can which is our own mental health and recovery.

Prepare for Holiday Challenges

Another way to stay true to our recovery during the holiday season is to prepare for the challenges before they arise. Before that family gathering that is keeping you up at night,, take some time to meditate on what is important to you. What are your values? What are your limits?  What are my non-negotiables? 

What situations, people, or places tend to trigger discomfort, stress, or temptation?

Once you’ve identified your boundaries, communicate them clearly with your family or close friends. Be assertive about what you need to feel safe—whether it’s saying no to alcohol, limiting certain conversations, or avoiding particular gatherings. Assertiveness is key. It’s okay to stand firm in your decisions, even if others may not understand them.

For example, if a family member offers you a drink, you can politely but firmly respond with: “I’m in recovery, so I don’t drink anymore. Thanks for understanding.” Setting that boundary may feel uncomfortable at first, but remember—your well-being is the priority.

Shift Your Perspective

Mindset is an integral part of the recovery process as we continue to heal. As we navigate the season, we can focus on having a recovery mindset. Instead of seeing boundaries as barriers or limitations, we can view them as tools that enable us to live with greater freedom. Boundaries are not walls that keep us isolated. There is a surprising and welcome joy that comes when we live true to our values, when we love ourselves too.

We can also view the holidays as a time when we can create new traditions and memories—ones that honor our recovery, uphold our well-being. Some of my favorite holiday times now is when I can create new experiences with my family: Decorating the tree sober, hiking in the woods, making ginger bread house, going to our church children’s Christmas pageant rehearsals. These moments can be opportunities to build new associations, replacing old triggers, tensions, and stress with what the season is really about.

Stay True to Our Recovery

This holiday season, let’s take time to reflect on how we can stay true to our recovery.

• What triggers can we understand and address in new ways?
• How can we practice saying “no” with love?
• When can preparing for holiday challenges help prevent more struggles?
• How can shifting perspective and having a recovery mindset help us enjoy the season in new ways?

We have the joy and honor of creating new holiday memories that reflect our values of recovery. This time of year does not have to be a time of stress or a recurrence of use. With support, we can take positive action to not only handle the struggles of the season but also come to appreciate and experience the joys in new ways.