The holiday season is often depicted as a time of celebration, family gatherings, and festive cheer. But for many, it can be a period of deep loneliness. 

Have you ever heard the phrase, “no man is an island?” 

It was penned in the 1600s by English poet, John Donne. He had lived through some stark, tragic times including a plague. Sounds rough, right? This tortured poet knew hardship. 

Have you been there? Maybe you are feeling the loneliness setting in now as the holidays are drawing close or coming to an end. Perhaps you have a bit more comfort than a 16th-century poet, but chances are you can connect with the feeling of being out on an island alone. 

In my own personal journey of recovery, there have been times when loneliness threatened to drown me, especially around the holidays. My substance use disorder pushed me further away from people, yet my heart needed and longed for connection. It was a cycle of pain that bred feelings of isolation for years, although I desperately longed for the type of community that I have since found in recovery.

Loneliness during the holidays can feel especially challenging, as all of the Target ads show glittering people with glistening smiles. The world reflects images of perfect families, joyful reunions, and hot cups of shared cocoa. Yet, loneliness does not have to define our experiences this holiday season or anytime throughout the year. We can create meaningful connections and find joy even during the most difficult times.

The Hidden Struggles of the Holidays

For many, the expectations surrounding the holidays can feel overwhelming. We see images on social media or hear stories of families coming together, and it can be easy to feel like we don’t measure up. Like our stories don’t matter. For those dealing with loss, whether from the death of a loved one to substance use or the end of a relationship, the absence can be especially painful.

The holidays can also trigger old wounds or stir up grief, making us more aware of who or what we are missing. In recovery, the season may present challenges as we balance sobriety with social gatherings (often associated with substance use) or family dynamics that can be emotionally painful and make us want to find the nearest deserted island.

What’s important to remember is that loneliness is not permanent. There are ways to address how we are feeling and even actions that we can take. 

Recognizing Loneliness as an Opportunity for Self-Reflection

What if we viewed loneliness as an opportunity for self-reflection or self-awareness? Quiet, still moments can have a purpose, too. We can think about our goals for the new year, explore a new hobby, journal, or meditate on what truly brings us peace.

Practices like journaling can help us to process challenging emotions and gain clarity. If you’re struggling with loss or grief, expressing your thoughts on paper can be a powerful tool. Writing is like having a deep heart-talk with ourselves. For me personally, I know that sometimes in writing I come to discover my thoughts, as if I am meeting them out for coffee for the first time.

Additionally, consider making a list of gratitude. This simple act can shift our perspective, helping us focus on what we have, not what is missing. If we are in recovery, chances are we have had the chance to be irritated by someone telling us to “write a gratitude list.” It might be irritating at times, but this is suggested because it works. Gratitude practices have been shown to improve mental health by increasing optimism and fostering mindfulness. 

Finding New Ways to Connect

We can connect in new ways during the holiday season if our families of origin or other friends are not healthy people we can be around or if we find ourselves feeling lonely for any reason. Feeling isolated during the holidays can also highlight the important need for connection. But connection doesn’t always have to come in the form of traditional family gatherings. There are many ways to reach out and form bonds with others during this time.

1. Reach Out to Healthy Friends: Get in touch with people you trust. When we are feeling lonely, sometimes that phone is heavy. It is hard to pick up the phone to text or call someone that may be a support for us. But even a simple phone call, text message, or video chat can make a difference. Let them know you’re thinking of them, and you might find that they’re experiencing similar feelings of loneliness or isolation.

2. Join a Support or Recovery Group: If you’re in recovery or dealing with grief this season or any time during the year, connecting with others who have been there can be transformative. There are many options for support that move us from our islands and into spaces where others may be feeling the same things we are feeling or who have experienced the same things. A safe space, either in-person or virtual, can help us find encouragement and the support we need to feel less alone.

3. Volunteer: One of the best ways to overcome feelings of loneliness is by helping others. Volunteering or being of service allows us to connect with our community and experience the joy of giving. Whether it’s serving meals at a shelter or church, helping at a local recovery community center or treatment center, or participating in other community events, showing up for others can help us feel less alone and more a part of something outside of ourselves.

Building Meaningful Traditions for Yourself

Sometimes, loneliness is exacerbated by a sense of loss or the absence of past traditions. Maybe your memory of holidays brings back trauma you experienced as a child. This holiday season, consider creating new traditions that reflect your values and recovery now. It’s exciting to think that we can create new ways to honor the seasons that are healthy and life-giving.

For example, you might start a tradition of reflecting on the past year and setting goals for the upcoming one. You could create a ritual of lighting candles each evening, journaling, or learning a new hobby you enjoy playing guitar or painting. New traditions can provide a sense of comfort and continuity, regardless of external circumstances. They can help us to embrace the present.

Seeking Professional Help if Needed

If loneliness feels overwhelming and is affecting your ability to function, it might be time to reach out for professional support or treatment. Addiction treatment can help you or a loved one manage difficult emotions and feelings of loneliness and help provide healthy coping strategies and tools.