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Addiction, Recovery, And The Monkey Mind: Reprogramming for Wellness with JF Benoist
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Grace OgrenGrace Ogren- Our podcast guest JF Benoist shares his personal and professional story.
- He focuses on the false promise of shame, and its relation to the monkey mind.
- Elevating the observing mind alleviates shame and strengthens emotional connection.
JF Benoist, a man in recovery, author, and substance use counselor, joined our podcast to share his personal recovery story and the inspirations for his book Addicted to the Monkey Mind. His story captures the strength found through experiences and experiencing, which JF emphasizes in his unique therapy, experiential engagement therapy (EET).
Listen to JF’s episode and hear from other guests here!
Growing Up Surrounded by Alcohol and Toxic Masculinity
JF grew up in an environment where alcohol use was common and normalized, leading to the start of his drinking at age 15. Drinking progressed into drug use, which he struggled with for the next 10 years.
JF’s environment also perpetuated toxic masculinity, where his emotions and reactions needed to remain within the parameters of his gender. He reflects,
“I think what’s epidemic in our society is that we get the message that our emotions are not acceptable.”
This can lead to numbing strategies like substance use, emotional distancing, and staying disconnected from how we truly feel.
Debunking The Promise of Shame
JF’s recovery journey centered around him connecting with others, experiencing a sense of belonging, and countering shame—along with other aspects of the monkey mind. JF says,
“Now you’re trying to change, but you’re not changing. So now you start judging yourself…and this dynamic is ingrained in us, right?”
And the myth he debunked,
“The promise of shame is that it will make you a better person, right? But the result of shame is that it makes you feel worthless.”
Feeling worthless, as JF and many others have found, doesn’t inspire feelings of belonging, connection, and self-worth. With these feelings of shame and sadness, people may distance themselves further from their emotional self and sink deeper into the monkey mind.
Defining and Treating The Monkey Mind
JF described the monkey mind as a “mindset based in trauma” and “a corrective mindset” that forms after trauma and the various comments we hear about ourselves. It aims to correct anything about ourselves perceived as wrong so we can belong. JF says,
“And we subscribe to it. And part of subscribing, full line and sinker to that monkey mind is to fully disconnect from the emotional body.”
With this disconnection, we can become more reactionary and unable to recognize and counter the untrue beliefs that lead to shame, anger, or grief. On shifting out of the monkey mind, JF adds,
“So the shift to an observing mind actually comes from the intelligence of the emotional body. The ability to attune to that emotional body.”
Elevating The Observing Mind
JF posits the observing mind as the solution for the monkey mind, which we can elevate by attuning to our emotional intelligence. This means feeling and observing what we feel without falling into traps of shame or correcting from the monkey mind. JF says,
“So … we have to develop courage. We literally have to develop courage. Our mind tells us that the experience is too scary. It’s too painful, whatever story that we pile on top. But when we help people navigate their emotional body, and I ask them, was it as bad as your mind made up, the story that it was, and every single time they say, actually not.”
Attuning to the emotional body offers a stronger connection to the observing mind, a practice strengthened through mindfulness and repetition. JF notes how switching to the observing mind, rather than letting the monkey mind decide your reactions, can produce greater calm and control over urges. This can be especially beneficial for those facing cravings and urges to use substances.
Avive La Vie
JF is working on a new book and course, Avive La Vie. This book builds off the teachings in Addicted to The Monkey Mind, helping people “Live in Connection vs Correction.” His JF also has a podcast, online groups, and adventure weekends focused on his teachings.
Learn more about JF’s upcoming projects by listening to his episode with us!
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