Roger’s Road to Recovery: 7+ Ways Hope Can Overpower Addiction

3. The Power of a Vision: Turning Point to Recovery

One of the most profound catalysts for Roger’s initial sobriety was a vivid dream of his own funeral, where he witnessed the devastation it wrought on his father and sister. This dream, coupled with a subsequent “day vision,” solidified his resolve to change. “I had a dream and the dream was my funeral. Then I looked around the funeral scene and I saw my dad and my middle sister, who I’m very close with, and they were just wrecked.” This powerful emotional experience transcended his love for being high, offering a clear and devastating consequence of continuing his path. It shifted his motivation from self-preservation to protecting those he loved.

This deeply personal turning point illustrates that while external pressures can play a role, true and lasting change often stems from an internal shift in values and priorities. Roger’s decision was not driven by a desire to simply stop using, but by a profound realization of the impact his addiction had on his loved ones.

After finally quitting drugs, Roger channeled his addictive tendencies into a new, healthier pursuit: professional mountain biking. While this brought its own set of challenges, including head injuries, it was a significantly less destructive path than his previous drug use. This demonstrates the concept of addiction transfer, where individuals in recovery might replace one addictive behavior with another. While not ideal, it can sometimes be a stepping stone towards healthier coping mechanisms, provided it doesn’t lead to equally destructive outcomes.

4. The Continuous Journey: Sobriety, Clean Time, and Recovery

Roger’s commitment to his recovery is evident in his meticulous counting of clean time: “36 years, one month, and four days.” This unwavering awareness of his sobriety date is not a burden but a source of strength, a tangible representation of his dedication. He explains, “I have to count the days. The days give me strength if I let myself go, I’d be dead tonight because if I’m gonna give up that time, I’m going all the way.” This highlights the ever-present temptation for those in recovery and the importance of recognizing the significant investment made in staying clean.

However, Roger’s journey also includes a relapse with alcohol after his first divorce, underscoring that recovery is not a linear path. Despite being clean from drugs for 15 years, the emotional devastation of his divorce led him to heavy alcohol use, consuming a fifth of tequila daily and later two to three bottles of wine. This period of alcohol abuse lasted five years. His experience demonstrates that past sobriety from one substance doesn’t grant immunity from addiction to others, especially during periods of intense emotional distress.

His eventual cessation of alcohol came after a work trip in Spain where he drank himself unconscious and missed a flight, followed by his second wife being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. This dual crisis, coupled with the realization of the impact on their three young children, spurred him and his wife to quit drinking together. This collective decision highlights the power of shared commitment and accountability in recovery, especially when children are involved. Roger now differentiates between his “clean” time from drugs and his “sober” time from alcohol, emphasizing that true recovery encompasses addressing all addictive behaviors and underlying issues. He states, “I’m 14 years sober. 14 years, and 21 days, April 17th. So I count that too.”

5. Beyond Abstinence: The Essence of True Recovery

For Roger, being “clean” and “sober” is distinct from being “in recovery.” His past experience with suicidal ideation, even years after achieving drug sobriety, revealed that abstinence alone isn’t enough. He discovered that his suicidal thoughts were a side effect of antidepressant medication, emphasizing the complex interplay between mental health and substance use. Roger’s current recovery hinges on a structured life built on connection, engagement, and introspection. Living in a cabin in the woods without internet, cell service, or TV forces him to actively seek human connection. He elaborates, “I need structure. I need engagement. I need connection… I have to consciously get outta the house every day, or it puts me in trouble. But that connection is key for me and facing my truth.“

This active pursuit of connection and self-awareness through journaling, writing, and maintaining relationships with friends and family is central to his ongoing well-being. He also finds purpose in mentoring others, understanding that helping others strengthens his own resolve. This highlights the altruistic nature of recovery, where sharing one’s experience can create a virtuous cycle of support.

6. Understanding Addiction from the Family’s Perspective

Addiction’s ripple effect extends far beyond the individual, deeply impacting families who often grapple with immense pain, confusion, and a desperate desire to help. Roger offers crucial insights for families struggling to understand their loved one’s addiction. He emphasizes that judgmental attitudes towards behavior miss the underlying suffering. “For many people there is a mental health component that goes along with substance abuse. And more than anything, I think as a people, as humanity, we’re quick to judge the behavior. The behavior is the person people think. It’s not that person’s in trouble. That person’s hurting.“

This distinction between the person and their behavior is fundamental to fostering empathy and effective support. Roger advises families to “love the person no matter what” while simultaneously establishing healthy boundaries. He acknowledges the fine line between tough love and enabling, urging understanding that individuals, even in addiction, are often doing what they believe is best, however misguided it may seem.

Roger asserts that genuine change must come from within: “If we want to go to rehab, we have to want to go to rehab. If we want to quit, we have to want to quit.” This speaks to the limitations of external pressure and the necessity of internal motivation. His personal experience of his mother’s homelessness serves as a poignant example of how societal judgment can dehumanize individuals struggling with addiction and mental illness, reminding us that “that’s somebody’s mother. That’s somebody’s sister. That’s somebody’s kid.”

7. The Role of Support and the Evolution of Treatment

While Roger’s journey was largely self-directed due to the limited resources available at the time, he acknowledges the critical role support plays. He recalls how two close friends intervened when he was desperate to quit the needle, physically preventing him from using and offering unwavering support. “I just told ’em, this is my life and this is how I’m gonna die. I was crying and they said, well, we’re gonna help you.” This demonstrates the profound impact of genuine care and intervention when an individual is ready to receive it. His move to Colorado, away from the triggers of Baltimore, also provided a crucial “break” from his active addiction.

Roger’s early attempt to seek professional help was met with a devastating response: “What’s your insurance? I don’t have any. And they’re like, sorry, we can’t help you.” This highlights the significant barriers to treatment that existed in the past, particularly for those without financial means. It underscores the vital progress made in the addiction treatment landscape, with increased access to resources like harm reduction strategies, needle exchange programs, and a greater emphasis on integrated care for co-occurring mental health disorders. While Roger didn’t attend his first 12-Step meeting until six years ago, he now recognizes their immense value: “They are helpful ’cause it’s a community that you don’t find elsewhere. You need people that can accept you as you are.”

8. Roger’s Enduring Message of Possibility

Roger’s ultimate message is one of unwavering hope and the boundless possibilities of change. He implores anyone struggling to believe in the potential for a different future: “It is possible. It’s possible for something else. It’s possible for change. Change is actually a given.” He challenges the ingrained cynicism and self-deprecating labels that often accompany addiction, such as “loser, low life piece of shit, junky, alcoholic, dropout.” Roger powerfully asserts, “No matter our worst behavior, we’re more than that. We can be anything we wanna be. We can start over every single morning.”

His call to action is simple yet profound: “Just get started. Try to try start there.” This emphasis on taking the first, often daunting, step resonates with anyone facing a significant challenge. Roger’s journey from a childhood marred by trauma and a devastating 13-year drug addiction to a life of profound purpose and continuous recovery is a powerful testament to the fact that even in the darkest moments, possibility exists.

Roger’s story is a beacon of hope for countless individuals. It underscores that recovery is a complex, non-linear journey often intertwined with trauma and mental health challenges. Yet, with internal motivation, external support, and an unwavering belief in the possibility of change, individuals can not only overcome addiction but also build lives of purpose and profound meaning. His message is a powerful reminder that “you’re beautiful. I love you, and you can do it. I know it. Absolutely know it. ‘Cause it is possible.”