Navigating Addiction: 6 Ways Elizabeth Pearson Found Hope and Healing in Recovery

3. The Catalyst for Change: When Rock Bottom Isn’t What You Expect

Despite maintaining external success, Elizabeth’s internal world was crumbling. Her drinking escalated, particularly during the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, when she found herself in an unsafe relationship. “I started drinking alone all the time,” she admitted, driven by “layer upon layer of shame and feeling like I had failed.” The situation became dire when her partner began to abuse her dog, Sawyer. “My self-esteem was so low at that point that I didn’t really care what happened to me,” Elizabeth revealed, but the abuse of Sawyer was the line she couldn’t cross. “That was really what got me out,” she said, crediting her dog with saving her life.

Even after escaping that abusive relationship, sobriety wasn’t immediate. She continued to drink for three more years, using the trauma as another “reason for me to drink.” She was stuck on a “hamster wheel,” trying everything to cope, all while maintaining a good job and a boyfriend. However, the emotional toll was immense. “I was so deeply depressed. I had a plan for how I wanted to end my life,” she shared.

The turning point came one Wednesday morning. “Nothing out of the ordinary had happened the night before, but I was just hung over again.” In that moment, Elizabeth experienced what she describes as a “divine intervention,” a stark realization: “You have two choices right now. You are either gonna stop drinking or you’re going to die.” This led to a period of being “dry,” abstaining from alcohol but without a structured recovery program. While physically feeling better, her mind was still consumed by thoughts of drinking. This illustrates the critical distinction between simply not drinking and actively engaging in the work of recovery.

4. Finding Community and the Power of Shared Experience

Unsure of where to turn, Elizabeth sought out an AA meeting, initially with the cynical expectation of finding people “worse off” than herself to justify her own continued drinking. “I walked into my first meeting and I thought, oh, this is gonna be great because I’m gonna go in and I’m gonna see how much worse off everybody else is, and then I’m gonna know that I don’t really belong here and I can go back to drinking,” she confessed. What she found instead was a profound sense of recognition and belonging. “I walk into that room and it is like a bunch of people exactly like me.”

This immediate connection, reinforced by a “ticket meeting” where she was called to speak, was a pivotal moment. “It was the scariest, but one most wonderful moment of my life is when I said like, hi, I’m Elizabeth and I’m an alcoholic.” This declaration, made in a room of strangers who understood her, lifted a decade-long weight of confusion and self-blame. “Finally it was just this weight lifted off my chest of being like, I have been trying to figure out for like a decade what is wrong with me. And I’m now sitting in a room full of people who just understand the way that my brain is wired. And I have a solution now.”

The response from her then-boyfriend was less supportive, as he dismissed her declaration with “Elizabeth, you’re being dramatic. You’re not an alcoholic. I know alcoholics. You’re not one of them.” Elizabeth astutely observed that “people take your choices around drinking very personally,” often seeing it as an “indictment on their choices.” Despite this, her decision to return to the meeting the next day was her “burning bush moment,” a clear commitment to herself over external validation.

Elizabeth strongly recommends women-only meetings, emphasizing that “the connection and the honesty I found in rooms of, of women has been like beyond anything that I’d experienced before.” This specialized support can foster a deeper sense of trust and shared understanding among individuals facing similar challenges.

5. Building a New Life: The 12 Steps and Rigorous Honesty

The gift of desperation, as Elizabeth calls it, was her greatest asset in recovery. She was “so desperate to feel differently and to feel well that I was willing to do anything that anybody told me to live a different life.” This willingness is paramount in embracing the 12-Step program, which Elizabeth credits with changing her life.

The 12 Steps provided not only a path to sobriety but also a framework for rebuilding relationships, particularly with women. She recognized that active addiction fosters selfishness, making genuine connections difficult. In recovery, she found an opportunity to learn “how I think about being in relationships with other people and how I can show up for people.”

A core component of Elizabeth’s transformation has been the embrace of “rigorous honesty.” Previously, her dishonesty was largely for “deception for image maintenance’s sake,” constructing a facade to prevent anyone from discovering her problem and potentially taking alcohol away. This involved blaming others for her struggles, a common defense mechanism in addiction. However, through the 12 Steps, she learned a profound lesson: “Your resentments aren’t necessarily the ways that people have wronged you, but it’s the ways that you give away your power.” This realization shifted her perspective from victimhood to accountability, allowing her to let go of anger and move forward.

The difference between being “dry” and “sober” became vividly clear. Dryness was merely the absence of alcohol, while sobriety, achieved through the 12 Steps and community, brought a profound sense of connection and purpose. “I went from feeling like I had nobody in my corner to… just having a room of strangers so ready to love me.” This unconditional acceptance, regardless of her past actions, allowed her to shed the shame and the belief that a seat in AA needed to be “earned” through a dramatic rock bottom.

6. Embracing Gratitude and a “Second Life”

Gratitude has become a cornerstone of Elizabeth’s daily practice, a tool for combating resentment, jealousy, and comparison. She reflects on her “two lives” – her “drunk life and our sober life,” seeing it as a “miracle” and a unique opportunity to choose again. This perspective fosters appreciation for the seemingly ordinary aspects of her current life that were unimaginable during her addiction.

The journey through recovery, particularly the step work, allowed her to understand the deeper layers of her struggles. She came to realize that alcohol was not her problem, but rather her “only solution.” This reframe is crucial for those grappling with addiction, suggesting that the substance itself is a symptom of underlying issues rather than the sole cause. For individuals questioning their relationship with alcohol, asking “Do you feel that like alcohol is your solution for life?” can be a powerful diagnostic question.

Elizabeth’s story underscores that true recovery is a holistic process that addresses not just substance use but also the mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being of an individual. It’s about building self-esteem through “esteemable things,” taking “the next right action,” and cultivating an unwavering commitment to honesty and self-awareness. Her journey from the depths of depression and self-hatred to a life of sobriety, community, and marathon running is a testament to the fact that transformation is indeed possible, even if it’s “often pretty messy.”